Friday, August 13, 2010

Sometimes Everyone Needs A Muse

Lately I've been less than inspired about exercise. I've still been doing it [and doing it, and doing it well...], but unfortunately it's been pretty damn torturous. It's not always that way. Sometimes I feel super motivated to get out there and run forever on the damn treadmill. Some days I can play the reasons for exercise like a slideshow in my head. I picture myself skinny at my husband's graduation. I picture all kinds of things.

So what's up with me lately? Why can't I pull my head out? MT says I've been in a funk ever since my husband left 3 weeks ago. I won't lie; it definitely has been a major adjustment. Things are getting better though, albeit slowly. It's actually been 3 days since the ever present lump in my throat has been around, and I actually don't think I've cried since Sunday! That's improvement, folks! My interest in things I love just hasn't come back yet though. I've noticed how much I'm just "getting by" lately and how I'm constantly drifting away to anywhere else but the present.

This is me... spacing out again.

I really need to get a clue and snap out of this! I'm usually a pretty positive person. Most days just being alive and healthy is enough for me. It's not good enough for me to just let these next 4 months pass me by. I want to be present in them. I want to work hard and get the body I really want to have by November. I need to get my head out of my ass and get motivated. So I figured I should make a new list of motivators! I've done a previous post about what motivates me, but the reasons are constantly changing. At this moment, I have 4 very specific motivators to play over and over in my mind while I'm on the treadmill.

Motivator #1: My husband is away at academy with a bunch of girls.

Ok, so this probably sounds irrationally jealous and insecure, but I keep envisioning these chicks walking around campus in their little bikinis.  Yes, I totally know that doesn't happen, but it sure makes me want to put in more treadmill time!!! I want him to come home and think I'm the hottest thing he's seen all week. I don't want to be the ugly, fat wife. I want to be the young, sexy, skinny wife. Add another mile to the treadmill.

Pretty sure this one sits right next to my husband in class....

Motivator #2: My husband's graduation.

Geez, seems like my world focuses around him a lot, non? He graduates in November, and I am desperate to wear a hot skirt. It's the next major "dress up" event we have going on, and I really want to wow him. I keep picturing a smaller me in a totally cute outfit. This keeps me running on the mill when I really want to quit.
This is the outfit I constantly picture myself in while I'm running...

Motivator #3: Fall is coming up and I want cute jeans.

We've probably only got 2 months left of warm weather, at best. How fun would it be to get a new [smaller] winter wardrobe? Smaller jeans, smaller sweaters, smaller clothing in general. And better than that, how fun would it be to clothes shop and ACTUALLY fit in the sizes I want to?!?! I can do this; I have time. I just need to be motivated.  Seriously, a great pair of jeans can make me feel better than anything else.  I WANT those jeans.
And I want to be one of those women!!!

Motivator #4: I want to be skinny by the time I'm 30.

Technically, that means I have a year. I'm about to turn 29 next month. Have I mentioned how scared I am to be leaving my 20s? I'm terrified. When I've always pictured myself at 30, I've seen someone skinny. I've seen someone who has her life together. When I used to picture what my 30 would look like, I pictured a skinny me with 2.5 kids, a dog, a great job and an awesome husband. This is what 18 year old me had in mind. And you know what? I have everything I ever wanted in time for 30 and more really, except the skinny. I'm happy, healthy, employed at a job I love, and I have an amazing family. I really, REALLY want the skinny.
Yep, that's about how I feel.

I'm trying, trying, trying to pull my head out, guys. Slowly but surely I'll find my way back.

So what are your motivators? What makes you get on that treadmill every day? What makes you skip the donut? I'd love to hear.


  1. My main motivator is that I want to look freaking amazing in a bikini next summer. I don't have a horrible body but I've always had extra flub that is just really not attractive, so everytime I want to lay on the couch instead of run I remember what I want to look like by next summer and, almost always, jump up and go for a run!

  2. I'm getting too old to worry about that all now (49) - lol. Loved your post...too funny and sometimes true.

    You know how they say, it would be good if you could learn from someone else's mistakes? I'm going to let you learn from mine. First of all, do it now while you are younger. It is so damn easier. Don't waste all your younger years. Do it for your health. You will understand this later...if you don't.

    Love to you -- and a big ha ha about the cat going to the moon - priceless.

  3. i have all types of little time line motivators: i go back to school in two weeks, and every time i want to skip the gym i remember that i want to feel super hot in my cut offs walking around campus (but no bikini tops!) haha. a few other things-- i'm going to nyc in november and i want to look and feel stylish walking around the city, not frumpy. and i graduate in may and i want to look completely different than when i started college :)