Terrified.

Sorry for the lack of updates. Work has been really busy, and home has been really busy, and well, I just didn't have a lot of time to update the blog as I would've liked. I'm getting ready to go on vacation [leaving next Friday, holla!], and I swear real life has just been kicking me in the metaphorical balls the past two weeks.

Real life on the left.  Me on the right.

Things with the diet/exercise/hell regimen have been going surprisingly well this week. Ok, so I haven't ate perfectly [Why oh why did I down two Mt. Dews this morning?!?!], but the running and Shredding are really starting to get easier. MT and I ran a solid 3 miles yesterday, and I didn't even feel terribly winded. Sweaty, yes. On the brink of death, no. So that must be a good thing, right? It may have taken almost four months, but we seem to finally be in a good pattern. I'm still not losing weight at the rate I wish I was, but I AM losing. Lots of blood, sweat, tears and all that, but it's going in the right direction.

So why the hell am I absolutely terrified? I've noticed lately that I'm constantly scared to fall back in old patterns. I mean, shit, I'm going on vacation, away from all stressors, and I almost had a heart attack thinking I may not be able to run. I had started researching weekly passes at the local gyms!! Fortunately, my sister I'm staying with has a treadmill, so running will be no problemo, and The Shred and Yoga Meltdown are just DVDs, so they are portable. What has gotten into me? Six months ago I wouldn't even consider working out on vacation. Who the fuck does that? I'd pig out and relax and not really care too much about the five pounds I gained. I can't do that anymore though. Five pounds took me almost five weeks to lose. No freaking way I'm putting that much weight back on, only to have to lose it again. No freaking way I'm going to slack off on exercising so I can just be miserably sore and tired when I get back home and start again. I'm even hauling my Vita-mix blender on vacation with me so I can whip up a green smoothie on a moment's notice.

Apparently I do it wrong these days...

This may all sound like complete insanity to most people, I'm aware. However, anyone who's been in my shoes probably understands. It's SO [that's what she said!] hard to start running. It's unbelievably hard [she said that too...] to do The Shred. I can't tell you how many days I was in almost crippling pain from pushing myself so hard. I simply can't do that again. I can't go back to the person who could barely walk for 2 days after doing the Level 1 Shred.

So yeah, it may sound strange, but I'm terrified. I’m so terrified that I'm going to work out every day of my vacation, just as I would at home. It's funny, because I was always under the impression that's what crazy people did. I may or may not be joining the ranks of insanity. Don't judge.

Monday Fat Stats: Week 15

I know these are called the "Monday" fat stats, but there's this super annoying thing I have to deal with called real life. I hate it, it gets in the way of every freakin' thing I want to do!

So, down to business - FGS and me both lost this week! No big surprise, the bitch lost more than me again. It's a good thing I'm such a nice person - otherwise I would totally hold that shit against her!

Fat Girl Slim's Week 15 Numbers:

 

Muffin Top's Week 15 Numbers:

You may have noticed our lack of posting regularity. I'll fess-up, we've been slacking. It feels like we've been doing this forever, with no end in sight. Motivation is lacking - it happens. Our plan of attack? We are tenacious, we will not back down, will not let a few bad days take us down, will not stop what we have begun!

On that note, here's the (minimum) workout plan for the week:

This image is stored as "Torture Schedule"

Time (and energy) allowing - we will also try to incorporate pilates some mornings and either a session of the Shred, or one of Yoga Meltdown. Cause we are crazy like that!

Don't Ask Me How Fast I Ran

I am not fast.

That's just how it is. Maybe one day, when I'm in better shape and 25 pounds lighter, that will change. For now though, I'm pleased to just be able to run for 40 minutes straight. I can run THREE miles without stopping. Can I do 8 minute miles? Hell no. But I can keep-on keeping-on.

Did you know that only 10% of Americans are capable of running just one mile? And of that 10% I'm sure not all of them can hold out for 3 miles. So, as far as I'm concerned, I'm one of the few, the proud, the brave. I'm some kind of freaking elite athlete!!!

Me and this dude - were practically twins!

Why the confession you ask? I just want to get it out there, that way people can stop asking me how fast I ran my last 5K. I work with a guy whose wife pulls down 6 1/2 minute per mile averages during marathons. A guy in another depart is training for a 50K (yeah, that's 31 miles!) My boss runs 3 miles every day for his 'warm up' at the gym.

All that is great and I say good for them. But I'm not running against them - the only person I have to beat is myself. I need to know that I've done my absolute best.

So, when people ask we how fast my last 5K was I tell them it was SEVEN minutes faster than last year and that is was THREE minutes faster than my personal best. And for those super annoying and nosey people who can't just stop at that...

How fast is that? Fast enough.

Yeah, you know who you are. BACK OFF!!!

Monday Fat Stats - Week 14

Just got back from a lunch time run. I honestly thought I was going to pass out, it was an incredibly hard run. Not that it was to long or anything, just our usual 3 miles. My body was just not having it though. Weird. So, my attitude about running (and exercise in general) is not at an all time high. I'm trying to learn to accept that there will be "off" days - but if it sucks, it sucks - regardless if you accept it.

You have to get over it though. If you want to be healthy and fit you've got to let it go. No looking back, what's done is done. You have to acknowledge the successes you've had up to this point, and focus on your future successes. If you don't, there probably won't be any future successes.

So, a little success acknowledgement:

Fat Girl Slim's Week 14 Numbers:

Muffin Top's Week 14 Numbers:

Hell-to-the-Yeah!!! Granted, the pounds aren't coming off as quickly as I'd like, but they are coming off! I just have to continue being consistent. It works, I just have to do it. Crappy run be damned.

What about the future? Here's what we have on tap for this week:

Monday: 3 Miles
Tuesday: Cross Train
Wednesday: 2.5 Miles
Thursday: Cross Train
Friday: 2 Miles
Saturday: 3.5 Miles
Sunday: REST!

 Here's hoping for the best!

Why Alanis Morissette Is My New Idol, Or Something.

Cause she ran a marathon and fucked Ryan Reynolds. The end.

Go Alanis, it's your birthday!  We're gonna party like it's your birthday!

Ok, so that explanation is kinda short, but it really does cut to the quick of the matter, doesn't it? So how else could this whiney, man-scorned chick with one hand in her pocket be someone I'd idolize?

I've never really cared too much for Alanis. Ok, that's sort of a lie. There was a period of time, around 9th grade, where I totally dug her music. I mean, who didn't listen to "You Oughta Know" and wonder if going down on your guy in a theater was really all it took to make you a rockin' girlfriend? Then you realized you were way too chicken to actually DO that, so if Alanis really did she must be super cool. She sort of lost me though when she went through her crazy, healing India phase, and I went to high school. She really hasn't been on my radar since. Until last week, that is.

Who didn't own this album??  Right?  Right?

I was reading some quotes from Runner's World articles and I came upon this one, which I loved:

I think there is no better way to invite a human being to view their body differently than by inviting them to be an athlete, by revering one’s body as an instrument rather than just an ornament. It’s a really great way to reorient how you see your body so you can see it as this incredible, awe-inspiring machine that you need to fuel well in order for it to function.

What an awesome quote!!! Then I saw Alanis Morissette wrote it. The fuck? I didn't even know she was an athelete of any kind, let alone a runner. I ended up finding this interview she did for Runner's World, and wham, bam, thank you ma’am; she's now my new idol. I even listened to her music last week again. It was like re-living middle school [which was freaking vile, because middle school was the closest thing to hell I've ever experienced].

So of course, I start stalking googling her, and how could I forget that she bumped uglies [although I bet his isn't ugly!] with Ryan Reynolds? They were together for quite awhile, actually! And... almost better than that [ok, not really] is the fact that she drinks green smoothies and loves kale!! You guys know how I feel about kale!!! It's like Alanis and I are twins separated at birth. Or something. Except we must be fraternal, cause I'm definitely the fatter twin.

I think everyone should take a little time out to read her article. She's surprisingly level-headed and genuine. It seems as though she's moved swiftly past her "man-hating-whiney-sorta-psychotic" phase and into a new, healthy one. I like that. I like her. And I'm not confirming this, but I may have added "You Oughta Know" onto my running playlist, just for a little inspiration.

Monday Fat Stats: Week 13

 First things first - we ran our 5K this past Saturday morning. And let me tell you - we rocked that thing! We started out all gung-ho and really cooking time wise. This was not a smart thing. About a mile or mile and a half in it started to hurt. Really hurt. FGS couldn't sleep the night before and only managed about 4 hours of sleep. She was hurting even worse than I was! There was serious talk of vomiting for the last half of the 5K - it's the first time I've actually thought one of us was really going to puke. We made it through, and we finished that bitch THREE minutes faster than our personal best. Not only that, but we finished SEVEN minutes faster than last year!

To say I'm proud of us doesn't even begin to say it. We started out the C25K (Couch Potato to 5K) barely able to run for a minute straight. We fought our way through the entire training and ran our 5K in 37 minutes!!!

Other than the awesome run, what have we accomplished? I've lost TEN inches and 6.6 pounds :) Fat Girl Slim has lost 14.6 pounds and TWENTY THREE inches. Not to shabby, eh? Here are all the numbers:

Fat Girl Slim's Week 13 Numbers:

Muffin Top's Week 13 Numbers:

Now that the 5K is over, it's time to move on. Since our ultimate goal is a half marathon, it's time to start upping the mileage. We've picked, and registered, for our next race. We'll be doing the very aptly named S.O.B. (Siskiyou Outback) 15K in about 13 weeks. This race takes place on top of the beautiful Mount Ashland which, during the winter, is a ski resort. So let me tell you, there are hills, lots, and lots, and lots, and lots, of hills. I don't know if there is a straight level section at any point of the run. Is it ever gorgeous up there though. Here's a few pics taken from the trail:

 Views from the race route

As this is a 15K, it should be 9.3 miles. Not the S.O.B. though - the S.O.B. 15K is 9.7 miles. This bares repeating - we are going to run (not run/walk) NINE point SEVEN MILES! If that doesn't make us bad ass mo-fos, I don't know what does!!!

Obviously this is going to take some serious training and a shit ton of dedication. Using various training schedules I found on line, I compiled a training schedule for me and FGS given the time we have till the race (13 weeks), and the distance we need to cover by the end of that time. Here's what I've come up:

Yep, we're going to do this. On purpose.

 I'd be lying through my teeth if I didn't tell you I am seriously worried about surviving this. Just looking at these numbers makes my stomach turn. But, you know what? I thought the same thing about the C25K schedule and I made that 5K my bitch! So I say - bring it on S.O.B.!!!

This Is Going To Be Brief.

Tomorrow is our big 5k race.  For some reason I have a serious case of writer's block today, so I'm not posting anything of substance.  Sorry!  The nerves have gotten the best of me, what can I say?

Stay tuned to hear how the 5k turns out tomorrow.  I keep reminding myself that the only thing I'm competing against is my time from last year.  I can do this. 

The Big Green Hump: Week 12

Happy Hump Day wonderful people of the Interwebs! I'm in a great mood today, almost hyper. I can't attribute this to the crack I haven't been snorting, so it MUST be the green smoothies. I've been drinking them every day this week, and I feel really good. It's odd, because I seem to have smoothie amnesia. I forget how great I feel after I've been drinking them for a week or two. Try one, people! Just give it a couple weeks and you'll be amazed at your newfound stamina and overall well being. And hey, isn't a little stamina a good thing on Hump Day? [*nod, wink, nod*]

Since this week I re-discovered my love of Alanis Morissette [more on this Friday], we'll use kale as our green of choice this week. Apparently Alanis digs it. Here's a really great smoothie recipe to try.

"I'd Rather Be In Maui"

2 cups kale
2 cups pineapple (2 points)
1 cup mango (2 points)
1 banana (1.5 points)
2 cups coconut milk (2 points if you use light)

Total points: 6.5

Get your blend on.

I'm A Slave...4 U.

Cue the trashy Brittany music; I've got a problem. Lately, my scale owns me. I've noticed that I'm stepping on that thing every morning, and when it fluctuates even slightly in the wrong direction, I'm pissed. Why do I let a number ruin my day? And apparently [as I've discovered in recent bloggie comments] I'm not the only sick fuck out there! Muffin Top admitted she actually takes her scale on vacation with her!!! For real? When I questioned her about this fact a few minutes ago she said, "Well if I didn't take it on vacation then I couldn't weigh myself, and I'd have a blank spot on my spreadsheet!" Oh my hell, people! I couldn't make this shit up if I tried!

MT needs this shirt!!

I've felt kinda bummed lately about my lack of extreme weight loss. I've got so much further to go in order to be at a healthy weight. Knowing this seems to overshadow everything else I've accomplished. Even though I know I've completely changed every part of my life in the past 12 weeks, it just doesn't seem to matter to me. What kind of crap is that?

The non-weight accomplishments have been huge, and they deserve more recognition. I've gone from being able to run for a minute [and practically dying] to running for forty minutes straight! Where I used to struggle through the Level 1 shred, now I make Level 3 my bitch! Also, I've lost 22.5 inches off my body. That's nothing to brush off!

I need to find a way to get rid of my scale obsession. I used to weigh myself once a week, max. Somehow that's become every day, and it needs to stop! I hid the scale at the top of the closet yesterday only to fish it down this morning in a moment of weakness. Insanity I tell you!!!

Hell yes we do!!!!

So I'm putting it out here on the interwebs today. I promise not to weigh myself again until next Monday morning. I won't even think about stepping on that scale. [Ok, I'll probably think about it a lot, actually]. I won't do it though! After that I may need to start bi-weekly weigh ins to keep myself reigned in. Somehow, some way, I'm going to convince Muffin Top to do this too, because obviously she needs an intervention of some sort.

Here's to a better Wednesday morning, because sometimes a little ignorance is bliss, no?

Monday No Stats: Week 12

This Monday FGS and me are giving ourselves a present - NO fat stats. Our 5K is in five (short) days and we need to keep our eyes on the prize. Not that measurements will somehow deter us from this, but bad numbers will certainly put you in the wrong frame of mind. And considering the weekend we just came off of, skipping the scale isn't to bad of an idea.

I don't know about you, but I have a ridiculously large family. We celebrated Easter with only 1/2 of mine and Mr. MT's family - one half, mind you - and it took the entire damn weekend. Normally I would be totally stoked to have crazy good food that I didn't have to make - and LOTS of it! Not so helpful when you are trying your damnedest to be good though!

To sum up my self control and will power this weekend - EPIC FAIL. I consumed my own body weight in chocolate. And the funny thing is, looking back, I didn't even really enjoy it all that much. Now I feel like crap too, all icky and no energy. I completely regret it. The worst part though is that even though I know that crap makes me feel horrible, that's all I'm craving. I want yummy scrumdidiliumptious food, and lots of it, and I want it NOW!

I want it and I want it NOW!!!

I'm not going to though. I can't. That would mean that the last 12 f-ing weeks would all be for naught. And I've hurt, and sweated and whined WAY TO MUCH to do that. So I'm pullin' up my big girl panties and moving on. Today at lunch, what did me and FGS do? Did we go to Olive Garden and have oodles of noodles? Hell No! We went for a thirty three minute run! And there was NO walking, not one damn minute of it!

Did it hurt? Hell yeah - but WE ROCKED THAT SHIT!!! Here's to a kick-ass week ladies, no regrets - we only move forward from here!

Here I come baby, I'm coming to GET CHA!

Last Night, I Made Jillian Michaels My Bitch. Or A Post About Boundries.

By the time I got off work last night, I was pumped. During my commute, all I could think about was doing the Level 3 Shred, and doing it well. I was practically begging for release by the time I walked in the door [that's what he said]. And you know what? I nailed that work out. Jillian Michaels had nothing on me; I made her my bitch! After I got done I was dripping sweat and wearing a shit-eating grin. THAT is how working out is meant to be, people! It meant so much more though because of how utterly shitty I had felt the day before.

Don't give me bitch face, I owned you last night.

Let's go back to that fateful Wednesday. It was complete shit from start to finish. I had been to the dentist on Tuesday, and that always takes an unusually big toll on my body for some reason. Add that to our insane workout schedule this week, and it was just bad news. We started running Wednesday evening and I had to stop and walk half way through. The fuck? I was pissed. I haven't had to stop and walk for weeks! Then I went home and couldn't even finish Level 1 Shred. Level freaking ONE! I was so frustrated and defeated that night, not to mention ridiculously sore and tired.

You can end up dead, or feeling like it.  Trust me.

While I lay in bed and suffered, I texted MT and told her I would not be running the next day. I never do that, and damn was I feeling guilty. It was time to listen to my body though. My body was screaming, "Listen you bitch! This is too much! TOO much!” So yesterday I felt really grumpy about it. I didn't give in and run though. I didn't wake up and do Pilates. And by 4:00pm, I was a new person! Something started building in me [not that, pervert!]. It felt like I needed to exercise ASAP. And so I did. I rocked that Level 3 Shred like I never have before.

Yes, yes I do.  Sometimes at least...

To my point now, I tell you this story to remind you one thing: if you start to feel like ass, slow your roll. We knew we'd have to kick up the exercise a few notches these weeks in order to finish well in our 5k. However, when both of us can barely walk, it's probably a sign that we are working too hard. It seems really hard for me to remember that my body needs rest to work properly along with all the exercise. I suppose it was a good lesson to learn early on. Today I'm still feeling pretty damn happy about that work out; believe me when I say it was worth resting for.

You Can't Live In Fear

I have a bit of a confession to make. I live in near constant fear and worry. I just wasn't born with the ability to relax and let things go, to be zen, to not worry about what tomorrow will bring. So it's only natural that this would transcend into my exercise and weight loss efforts.

My most frequent and tangible fear is of my scale. I suppose it's completely irrational, but none the less, it is. The damn thing rules me. Every morning I stand before it, wondering if today will be a good day, or if it is about to go straight to shit. And it really, really does affect me. I consider myself an intelligent person, I honestly know better than this. But, it is what it is.

 Please, oh please, oh please let it be okay

Now that I'm seeing (somewhat) consistent results and exercising frequently, I'm terrified of missing a workout. Like that one run or shred will seal my fate. Missing one workout will turn into missing two, and then another, and another, and sooner rather than later I will be right back where I fucking started. And why wouldn't why? It's what I've always done.

The thing that I fear the most though, I don't ever talk about. I don't think I've ever even admitted it out loud. It's basically a fear of the inevitable. Deep down I believe that it's inevitable that I end up back where I started, or worse. I don't come from a family of slender people. I can count the number of family members that are at a healthy weight on one hand. It feels like a death sentence.

But over the course of the past couple of months I've come to a realization that gives me some hope. My failure may or may not be inevitable, but I can tell you for damn sure that I won't be going down with a fight.

You won't take me down mother fucker!!!

It's like FGS said the other day - you have to be tenacious. When you fail, and at times you will, you pick yourself up and get back to it. When you miss a workout, for whatever reason, you DO NOT miss the next one. When you have a food binger you DO NOT use it as an excuse to continue and poorly the rest of the day. Don't live in guilt over yesterday or in fear of what tomorrow will bring. Today is a brand new day, so get to it!!!