Terrified.

Sorry for the lack of updates. Work has been really busy, and home has been really busy, and well, I just didn't have a lot of time to update the blog as I would've liked. I'm getting ready to go on vacation [leaving next Friday, holla!], and I swear real life has just been kicking me in the metaphorical balls the past two weeks.

Real life on the left.  Me on the right.

Things with the diet/exercise/hell regimen have been going surprisingly well this week. Ok, so I haven't ate perfectly [Why oh why did I down two Mt. Dews this morning?!?!], but the running and Shredding are really starting to get easier. MT and I ran a solid 3 miles yesterday, and I didn't even feel terribly winded. Sweaty, yes. On the brink of death, no. So that must be a good thing, right? It may have taken almost four months, but we seem to finally be in a good pattern. I'm still not losing weight at the rate I wish I was, but I AM losing. Lots of blood, sweat, tears and all that, but it's going in the right direction.

So why the hell am I absolutely terrified? I've noticed lately that I'm constantly scared to fall back in old patterns. I mean, shit, I'm going on vacation, away from all stressors, and I almost had a heart attack thinking I may not be able to run. I had started researching weekly passes at the local gyms!! Fortunately, my sister I'm staying with has a treadmill, so running will be no problemo, and The Shred and Yoga Meltdown are just DVDs, so they are portable. What has gotten into me? Six months ago I wouldn't even consider working out on vacation. Who the fuck does that? I'd pig out and relax and not really care too much about the five pounds I gained. I can't do that anymore though. Five pounds took me almost five weeks to lose. No freaking way I'm putting that much weight back on, only to have to lose it again. No freaking way I'm going to slack off on exercising so I can just be miserably sore and tired when I get back home and start again. I'm even hauling my Vita-mix blender on vacation with me so I can whip up a green smoothie on a moment's notice.

Apparently I do it wrong these days...

This may all sound like complete insanity to most people, I'm aware. However, anyone who's been in my shoes probably understands. It's SO [that's what she said!] hard to start running. It's unbelievably hard [she said that too...] to do The Shred. I can't tell you how many days I was in almost crippling pain from pushing myself so hard. I simply can't do that again. I can't go back to the person who could barely walk for 2 days after doing the Level 1 Shred.

So yeah, it may sound strange, but I'm terrified. I’m so terrified that I'm going to work out every day of my vacation, just as I would at home. It's funny, because I was always under the impression that's what crazy people did. I may or may not be joining the ranks of insanity. Don't judge.