Thursday, January 14, 2010

What about my hair?

I've stopped telling my husband when I have a hair appointment. Not because I'm trying to hide it from him, but because I want him to notice. I'd like for him to actually SEE me - to do more than glance at me while we eat dinner or not really even see me when he gives me a quick peck goodbye in the morning.

Don't get me wrong, Mr. Muffin Top is a wonderful husband - he is a good man, a great father, a hard worker - he's loves his family fiercely and would do anything and everything for us. And I get that, I know it, I know I don't even deserve him, but I appreciate it more than I can say.

But is it so wrong to want him to look at me and NOTICE? To see that THREE inches is gone from my hair? That it's lighter now that I've had highlights? He wouldn't even have to recognize that it was my hair that was different, just that there was something different. To know me so well that he couldn't help but notice something had changed. To say "Damn woman - I don't know what it is, but you look dead sexy."

Look at me! ME! Over here!!!

Am I setting him up for failure? Asking for the impossible? NO. (Those were rhetorical questions, btw). But I am behaving adolescent and focusing on completely frivolous crap.

I do have a slight tendency towards acting like an ass hat. Mr. MT is just a man, he's a person with a million things going on in his own head. And here I am, insisting that to his own huge pile of worries, doubts and long list crap that has to be done, I waiting on him to determine my self worth. Because of my hair. Seriously Muffin Top?

This is another reminder to me that losing weight and feeling better about myself doesn't just involve counting calories and working out. If I am going to have any real LONG TERM success, I have to acknowlege and work on my issues. I'm the only thing standing in the way.

So, let's all say it together: "Nut up, or shut up!"

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