Monday, January 31, 2011

Starting Over

I've been trying to write this post for a few days now, and the words just won't come out the way I want them to.  But now Tuesday is almost upon me, so I don't have any more chances to post this.  Tomorrow is officially Muffin Top's last day at work with me.  It's the last time we'll spend the day together as we have for almost every week day of the last two years.  It's the last time we'll go to the gym together.  It may even be the last time we listen to Ice Cube together.  I'm so conflicted about this.

First, I have to say that I'm so proud of Muffin Top and her husband.  They set out with a goal of moving to a new city, and damn it, they made it happen.  There was no sitting around day dreaming.  They made plans and stuck to them, and I wish them nothing but the best in their new endeavors.  I know without a doubt both of them will succeed at whatever they do. 

All that said, I kind of feel lost about it all.  Where does this leave me?  Who will kick me out the door and force me to the gym?  Who will sing Ludacris with me?  Who will I have Bob Friday with?  This is all a little scary.

I realized today that I'm pretty much starting over.  And Muffin Top is starting over tenfold.  Scary.  I've been so off track for weeks now.  The lack of routine and the lack of motivation have sent me into a downward spiral.  A lot of our last weeks posts have been depressing at best because nobody relishes in the unknown.  It's hard to be too excited when everything is changing.  Humans crave what is comfortable and safe.  Nothing about this new phase in life seems safe. 

Just the other day I was thinking of all that's happened in the past two years.  I was feeling really emo because as usual, I'm resistent to change.  I don't want Muffin Top to leave; we have a comfortable pattern we've fallen into.  Half the time we can complete each other's sentences.  I guess that's what happens when you spend 40 hours a week in the same room with someone, plus long runs on Saturday.  I'm stubborn and selfish, and I have no desire whatsoever for my routine to change. 

However, I realized that I was in this same predicament a little over 2 years ago.  At that time, I was really was unsure about going back to work.  The thought was scary and sad, and I had no desire to leave my comfort zone.  Hell, I really wasn't even too sure about working with another girl.  I had always been the only one, and I wasn't really up for drama.  Change can be good though.  So many things in my life have improved since I put myself out there again.  If I never would've tried, I would've missed out on SO much. 

In no particular order:

-I've made lots of new friends. 
-Muffin Top and I got gym memberships and ACTUALLY used them a lot!!! 
-We made a running schedule and saw it through, all the way to the half marathon! 
-We actually started this blog, and we've actually posted on it.  Crazy.
-I planted a garden [well, my hubby did!]
-I've officially lost over 25lbs

This list could go on and on.  So much of my life has changed for the better, all because I made that leap and started over.  So, it's time to do it again.

And Muffin Top, I know you are scared, sad and just generally emo, but this is going to be a good change.  These last two years wouldn't of been as crazy good if you weren't around to motivate me, or randomly bitch at me, or just listen to me whine.  I don't think I've ever laughed so hard or spent so much time contemplating random thoughts.  It's been good.  Really good.  But there is more good to come for us all.  I just know it.

"Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends.”

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