My Own Personal Cheerleader

I was reading a post on 263 and Counting about self-sabotage, and it got me thinking. I am my own worst enemy. The way I talk to myself? I would never, ever talk that way to anyone else! I would never be so rude and degrading.

Why do I do it to myself? Why do I pretend it's okay to put myself down? To call myself cruel and hurtful things? Why do I find it acceptable to verbally abuse myself?

Honestly, I have no idea why. I'm sure some psychologist could find some deep seated issues from my childhood...

But that's not really the point. The point is:

It is NOT okay.

At all.

Ever.

If someone else says something offensive to me, I am quick to defend myself. I am not the type of person to take bull shit lying down.

I have to do this for myself too! I deserve it.

Which brings me to another point. It's almost horrifying how little I believe in myself. Just typing those words "I deserve it" was actually hard for me. I don't think I actually believe those words. I don't know when it happened, but I've stopped even believing that I have the right to healthy and happy.

And you know what? That is utter bull shit.

I don't know how many of you out there are the same way - but we have got to stop this! If I don't believe I deserve to lose weight, how in the hell is it ever going to become a reality?

I need to become my own personal cheerleader. Because as fucking wonderful as you all are, if I don't root for myself it doesn't matter what anyone else says.

So, I say - GO M.T.!!!

 RAH! RAH! RAH!

I Can't Get It Up

I don't know what it is, but theses days, I just can't get it up.

You go Woody

It's like my give-a-damn is busted. Problem is, I have no idea how to fix it.

I know what it takes to lose weight.

I know how much I need to work out.

I know how to eat right.

I just can't seem to care enough to do it.

I need to just hop on and enjoy the ride...

I don't know if I'm just depressed because it's the holidays. Or because losing weight takes so freaking long. Or because it's such hard work.

Maybe I'm just a whiny bitch. Maybe I just need to shut up and get to it.

But therein lies the problem. I just can't seem to do it.

Someone out there want to lend me some of their "get up and go"?

Whatever it is, I just can't seem to shake it.

I'm Lame

I procrastinated posting all day, and now I have no time. 

Well at least there's an up side, right??

Maybe tonight?  Sorry, bloggie friends.  Major lame moment on my part!!!

Tuesday Fat Stats - Week 48

This week wasn't to bad, we both had a loss. Which is what we're looking for, right?

It wasn't epic though, which is what I want.

So, what am I going to do about it? I've got a PLAN people!!!

I recently got the new Jillian Michaels' DVD "6 Weeks to 6 Pack Abs" (review pending!), so I've got the 6 week time frame on the brain. I'm a spread-sheeting fool, so natch I opened up Excel and got down to business.

Here's what's on the schedule for the next 6 weeks of epicness!

Muffin Top's 6 Week Madness:

Click to see larger

Fat Girl Slim's 6 Weeker:

Click to see larger

Every week we'll check in with you and let you know how we did. Which workouts we rocked, if we missed any, etc.

Now on to the fat stats. Here you go:

Fat Girl Slim's Week 48 Numbers:

Muffin Top's Week 48 Numbers:

Coming next week: RESULTS people!

Lack Of Balance

Lately life has been a little excessive yet simultaneously underdone and monotonous. Too much food, not enough sleep. Too many errands, not enough gym time. Too much sad, not enough happy. Too much confusion, not enough clarity. Too much anxiety, not enough peace. I'm no stranger to the fact that life has it's ebbs and flows, but this ebb seems never-ending as of late. It seems as though it's mostly filler moments with just a sprinkling of the amazing life I've come to know; reminding me that I do still have happiness. I do still have crazy good in my life. I've realized lately that there needs to be more LIVING going on here and less getting by. How exactly to accomplish that, I'm unsure. I'm desperate to find balance, yet every day I seem to fail at this seemingly simple task.

I think when you start to just "get by" you lose the clarity necessary to make a better life for yourself. Sometimes it feels like I'm just floating outside myself watching my "life" happen to someone else. My goals aren't well defined, and my motivation is lacking.

I won't deny that this time in my life happens to be full of change and unknowns, which is definitely contributing to my lack of harmony. The love of my life is currently only home two days a week, and it's crushing to me. As completely ridiculous as it sounds, I'm just not ME when he's gone. I feel very lost, alone and just plain crazy at times without him. He's my best friend, and right now I see him approximately 8 hours a week. And it hurts me to the core to know he's just as miserable right now as I am.

Also, we need to sell our house and move [so we can live in the same city again], but who knows if we'll be able to do that with the current real estate market. I sit up and worry about things that I can't fix constantly. My ridiculous anxiety has been out of control lately, and it's horrible. I'm lacking balance. I'm lacking peace. I'm lacking the feelings of security and comfort that I crave more than anything else.

Every time I start to get on track lately, something else comes along and again, I'm thrown off balance. I try to remind myself to take life one day at a time. If I could just get it right for ONE day, maybe I would start a trend? Maybe today is that day?

For the most part, today was a very balanced day. I didn't snooze my alarm, and I had my kids ready to go before it was even time to leave. I didn't go over on my calories, and I worked my ass off at the gym. In a moment, I'm headed to bed in order to get at least seven hours of sleep. I'm pretty sure I even laughed a few times today. It's a start, right? I'm going to try again tomorrow too. Who knows, maybe I could hold it together for two days in a row. Good things build on each other right? Momentum will pick up.

I know I usually attempt to be funny, and I'm sorry I couldn't do that for you all tonight. We aim to keep it real here though, and sometimes real life sucks ass. Tomorrow I'll be back with my new workout schedule and some motivation. Tonight though? Tonight I needed this blog as an outlet. Sometimes you guys are better than therapy.

Here's to day two of balance. Cheers.

New Playlist

Ok, not entirely new, but here's a snapshot of my recent tunes. 

Don't make fun of my nerdy choices, peeps!

How My Thursday Went

So, remember yesterday how I said I was going to be more accountable to you guys? Well here is the first day of that!

For any newbies out there, both me and Fat Girl Slim are both sporting GoWear Fits. Here is a snapshot of my GoWear Fit summary from yesterday:

I didn't do to bad yesterday. I like to burn about 3,000 calories a day, so I was a little short there. My physical activity and steps take were also short. This is because I didn't hit the gym at lunch. On Thursdays I volunteer at my kid's school during lunch (insert collective "ahs" here). I know, I'm awesome.

The one thing that I AM super proud of is the fact that I kept my calories under control. Yeah me!!!

This is the one area that I struggle the most with, and any day that I can conquer is a kick-ass day in my book.

Here's to hoping today is rockin' too!

It's ON

I need some accountability. I need a plan. I need a schedule.


For awhile after I got my Go Wear Fit I was posting my daily intake and expenditures. For awhile I was posting my workout schedules.

What happened? I just got out of the habit I suppose.

No longer!

I am going to start posting DAILY with my total calorie intake and calories burned. I am going to start posting WEEKLY with my workout schedule. If I'm feeling extra super motivated I might even post what I eat daily, like the details even.

Because you guys deserve the my best. If you are going to use part of your day to check in here then you deserve to see us busting ass and getting results!

(Belated) Tuesday Fat Stats - Week 47

Seriously?! Week 47?!

How the hell did that happen?

I can tell you one thing for sure - I better be one skinny bitch by the time week 52 rolls around!

ONE YEAR - we've been doing this for almost ONE YEAR!!!

Today though? I'm not a skinny bitch. At least I'm rockin' half the equation right?

It's fat stats and while I'm not moving in the wrong direction, I'm also not moving in the right direction. Lame-sauce for sure.

Weeks without a loss feel like a losing week to me. Like I'm not doing what I'm supposed to. I can't lie to you guys though - this week I haven't been the rock star I need to be.

To get what you've never had, you have to do what you've never done.

What have I done? Sat on my ass. Ate craptastic foods.

What has it gotten me? A fat ass and a craptastic attitude about myself.

It's time to do it like ROCK STAR!!!

So, here's our (unchanged) numbers.

Fat Girl Slim's Week 47 Numbers:

Muffin Top's Week 47 Numbers:

Stay posted for success of EPIC proportions :)

Fat Stats Are Tomorrow

Fat Girl Slim and me have been doing an office switcheroo. We had to paint the new office (including an accent wall, natch).

For reals people, there was even sweat involved...

Needless to say, we've been very busy and away from our computers. Hence the lack of posting.

But, good news, we are all done and moved in! There isn't any time to do fat stats today, but I will do them tomorrow after I get into the office. Swear!!!

You know this!

The Great Food Swap

My intake lately has been less than ideal. Calorie-wise, I've only been slightly over, but nutrition? You can forget it. I'm almost embarrassed to write down the foods I've been eating, but hey, we keep it real here.

So it's time for some "eat this instead of that". I'm going grocery shopping this weekend, and I promise I'll be swapping out some of my ridiculously not healthy staples for better ones.

Breakfast:

Normally I eat a bean burrito [I'm not shitting you, but hey, only 280 calories!!!]

New, improved breakfast:

Steel cut oats, crock pot style with walnuts, brown sugar and flax. Boom.

Mid-morning snack:

Normally, this is a 1oz bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos. [I know!!!]

New, improved snack:

Dried mangos & a banana

I'm not changing lunch... so there.

Afternoon snack:

Normally, I'll rock some Junior Mints, or possibly some Peanut M&Ms.

New, improved snack:

Protein shake after gym time. Because I'm going to get buff.

So that's it. I pretty well have dinner covered already, so no need to change it up there.

I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend. I'll be back Monday with a book review, so stay tuned.

It's So Damn Easy

There are a million things that are not easy.

Namely, eating healthy, exercising consistently, losing some damn weight.

You know what's easy as all get out though?

Falling off the wagon.

One day you've been exercising 6 - 7 days a week, then it's Thanksgiving and next thing you know you can barely bust out 3 days of exercise and your eating is for shit.

It's so damn easy to revert back to how I used to be.

Food is temporary, but the nasty fat sticks around loooonnnngggg afterwards...

It really kind of terrifies me how easily I slip back into my bad habits. This week has really been about trying to drag myself out the post-holiday funk. I went to the gym Monday and did a kettle bell work out then I went to the gym again Wednesday and that's ALL I have done. All week long.

LAME.

And my eating. Total fail, like capital "F" fail.

I know this isn't an uplifting or inspiring post, but it's real life. I'm not gonna lie to you guys, this shit is HARD AS HELL!

The only difference between me and all of the failed dieters out there is that I REFUSE to give up!!!

Yeah, I've been blowing it lately, but my past mistakes do not determine my future behavior.

For reals peeps, for reals

Something I Never Thought I'd Say

Muffin Top was right. [OMG, I can't believe I actually admitted that out loud!!!] Let me say it one more time just for good measure. Muffin Top was right. After our half marathon was over and I "retired" from running, she told me that I'd miss it. [running, that is] I told her she was crazy. For a long time, I truly thought she was nusto. Not only did I NOT miss running, it actually felt freaking fantastic that I'd never have to do it again. MT could suck it because I DID NOT miss running. Whatsoever.

I'm lookin' at you, Muffin Top!!!!

Slowly though, ever so slowly, it's been creeping up on me without me actually realizing it. I can't seem to get my calorie burn to be where I want it for the day. I'm not eating as healthfully because I've lost that mind set of fueling my body. I constantly feel the need to set some kind of fitness goal in my life. Even my anxiety [which was almost non-existent while I was running] has come back in full force. All signs point to it, but hell if I was going to admit it, even to myself! I am pretty sure I actually MISS running. What's even worse??? I think I maybe, kinda, sorta want to start doing it again. You know, like on a regular basis. I MIGHT even want to train for an event again. Madness. I honestly can't even believe I'm putting this in writing.  I may be truly insane at this point.

Because I am, in fact, a nutter.

So be on the lookout for more info about this on a blog. I'm going to browse around the interwebs and attempt to find a new training schedule. I'm also going to take a long, hard look at my life and try to figure out what I really want. Do I want to go for the full marathon? Do I want to run another half? Or do I just want to consistently be able to put in five miles in a sitting? It's all up in the air right now, folks, but there's more to come.