What I Have To Give

Life is busy. Alarmingly so. I want to give you a peek into my evening last night, just so you fully get the picture.


I get off work at 5:30, not 5, because God must hate me. Or maybe it's just my boss? Anywho, I drive 45 minutes to pick up my spawn from my parent's house way out in BFE. I down a quick chicken sandwich while I'm there because hey, free food! By 6:45 everyone is loaded into the car and we are off to Kung Fu class for the oldest.
After I kick him to the curb (literally), I haul ass/balls (pick your body part!) to the grocery store because unfortunately, everyone needs to eat. I have exactly one hour to throw miscellaneous foods into my cart, check out and be back to the big kid's Dojo to pick him up. For some reason they get all pissy when you are 15 minutes late. WTF, right?


I pick up my older son just in time, and then it's a race home to do baths, books, teeth brushed, mommy I need water, oh please one more book, and bedtime.

Sounds fun, right? Don't get me wrong, I love the chaos of having a family. We are loud and fun and my days are filled with so much happy. They just don't leave time for much of the other stuff I enjoy. One of those things is this blog. I've got to be honest, I didn't think we were going to resurrect this thing. I figured it was fun while it lasted, but a year post half-marathon and I'm fat again (ok, not AS fat) and I haven't really had a tangible goal. Enter Forks, Washington.

I'm not going to re-hash MT's post here, but you all know we had a fabulous time. More than that though, we were amazed to find out that actual, real live people read this blog! It really inspired me to keep writing.

So here's what I can give you. I can't promise much, but I can promise you the marathon. As in, I promise to share the blood, sweat, tears and expletives right here on this blog. I promise to give you the in depth look at how two average women could do this marathon thing. Because believe me, I'm as average as it gets. Also, I selfishly want to have a written record of the journey to look back on at a later date.

And after the marathon? Who knows. But I'm here today to tell you that until we cross that finish line, we'll be sharing all the gory details. Stay tuned.

I'm Tired Of Being A Wagon

Last night, while scanning through a book of mine [42 Rules For Working Moms, if you are curious], I came across a chapter that touched on taking care of yourself. It said to imagine yourself as a fast sports car. If you tune a sports car right, put good gas in it, and take care of it, the performance will increase. I was totally following the point they were trying to make, but for some reason no matter how I tried, I couldn't imagine myself as a sleek sports car.

I think [unfortunately] that I'm a wagon. When the fuck did I become a wagon?!?!?!?! Pretty sure I'm not frumpy enough to be considered a minivan. No way. I'm definitely not a huge SUV either, but I have to be frank when I say I'm definitely not a compact car at this point. I think I'm a wagon.

How depressing. Wagons are functional and reliable and safe, but nobody gets excited to drive the wagon. Nobody stands back and appreciates the wagon as it drives by. Not even if it's a pretty, new wagon. Some things in life just aren't esthetically pleasing, you know??? Nor are some cars fast and lithe. Some cars will always be mediocre, no matter how well they do their job.

She might haul the kids around, but that's about it.

Well FUCK THAT. I'm tired of being the damn Subaru. I want to be a sports car. I want people to stare when I go by. I promise I'm not delusional. I may never get to Ferrari status, but would it be too much to ask to be a Camaro? Maybe even a Corvette???

Now THIS is a sexy car.

It may not be next week, or even next month, but one day I'm going to wake up and realize I'm no longer the grocery getter. One day I'm going to realize I've lost the back seat and allllll that junk in the trunk. I can't freaking wait.

Let's Talk About Boobies

Because really, who doesn't love boobies?? I've always been a pretty busty girl. Around 14 years old the boobs grew in at full force. And I got a boyfriend. Coincidence or conspiracy??? Anyways, pretty much since puberty I've ran between a D and DDD in cup size, depending on whether or not I was skinny or nursing babies or pregnant. Pregnancy can do a number on boobs, can't it? One day the titty fairy arrives, and BAM, you have Grade A, Porn-approved knockers that you [and your husband/wife/baby daddy/boyfriend/girlfriend/random strangers] just can't get over.

Nobody can resist...

Of all the things I've done to my boobies though [pregnancy, nursing for years, etc.], nothing, and I truly mean NOTHING has made them shrink. Until now, that is. The other day I looked into the mirror and said [out loud], "Where the FUCK did my boobs go?!?!?!?", because seriously, the fun bags are starting to totally go MIA. I realized my bra is starting to look like it's holding two little eggs in two big baskets.

So what's a woman to do??? I dug deep into my drawers to find my smaller bras. The D selection. I threw one of those on, ran to the mirror and.... still too fucking big. Could I really be moving into C territory?? I haven't been in C territory since 6th grade!!! And I certainly weighed less than 174lbs then. I was about 130.

Has anyone else experienced massive knocker shrinkage? I'm not sure how I feel about this yet, but I know it isn't good. My girls are two of my very favorite assets, and it's going to hurt a little to say good bye to them in the name of skinny. Then again, I could always go all Muffin Top and get fake ones. She keeps losing weight, but the boobies remain.... Bitch.

Monday's Fat Stats: Week 27 - A Post of Epic Proportions

Today Fat Girl Slim informed me that this had better be an "epic" post. So that's what I'm aiming for - a post of epic proportions. Of course, given that we are going to start posting our weights *gasp*, you will all know exactly what epic proportions are goin' on around here.

I'll be honest with you, I have zero desire to announce my weight. Even sitting here writing this I am second guessing it. But if FGS is going to do it, I don't really have a choice now do I? Not without looking like a big old pussy.

Actually, the real reason I am going to go along with it is accountability. I don't know if you've noticed, but I have been seriously slacking on the fat stats. Why? Because I've been eating like shit. Plain and simple. My hope is that having to type in that hideous number every week will motivate me to be good!

Speaking of motivation, in 4 weeks and 4 days I will be headed to beautiful Lake Shasta for an extended 4 day weekend with 12 other chicks. We'll be staying on a house boat, on the lake, which means swimming suits. I'm completely horrified of this prospect. It's worth it though, imagine 4 days and 3 nights, all the alcohol you can drink on this:

The "Empress", couldn't have picked a better name myself!

Besides the horror of posting our weights, there's a lot of other stuff happening. First off, we had to revise our half training schedule because the weekend we were supposed to run 13 miles is the weekend I will be gone. And we all know I'm not going to swim to shore and run by my lonesome!

We aren't messing around anymore. Starting this morning (at 5:15 a.m.) we are doing 30 days straight of The Shred. We've never actually done it consecutively like that. If that won't help me tone up before Shasta, I don't know what will.

So, with the Shred added in, here is the revised 8 week half-marathon training schedule:

The final thing that, I especially, am going to focus on is my food intake. I've been doing my running, so I'm burning all those calories, but I'm eating to much and what I'm eating is crap for the most part. This has got to stop or will never succeed.

I am going to track every single thing that goes in my mouth, um ... I mean everything that I swallow ... no, I - you know what I mean. I have to be accountable.

This has turned into a long, rambling epic post, and I've delayed the inevitable long enough. Here are this week's fat stats in all their (not-at-all) glory:

Fat Girl Slim's Week 27 Stats:

Muffin Top's Week 27 Stats:

Now I'm going to go beat up FGS for making me do that. Peace out.

Post 100!!!!! Can You Believe It?

Holy crap. Apparently we've had a lot to say. Never fear though, I've got plenty more to talk about, and there's lots going on in the coming weeks.

First, I need to make mention of my weigh in this morning. Guess who finally lost some freaking weight? ME! Finally, after a total stand still on the scale, I managed to lose 2.2 lbs. this week! Furthermore, I managed to track my calories EVERY. SINGLE. DAY., and I didn't go over. AT ALL. Now I just need to keep this momentum up. Therein lays the challenge.

Next I guess it's time to kill my buzz and discuss the 15k that MT and I ran this weekend. Her and I have vastly different takes on this race, and she made me promise I wouldn't talk massive shit about it. I really can't help it though, because I'm still mildly horrified about what I went through at this point. About 20 minutes into the damn race, and I thought for sure i was being Punk'd. I have no idea why I decided to make my first 15k one that went straight up a freaking mountain. Was I just not paying attention? Did I not realize what a massive elevation increase the race entailed? Who the fuck knows.

Basically, I spent 2 hours praying I wouldn't die. Saying it was a hard race would be a gross understatement. I distinctly remember telling MT that we were going to have to change our blog name. We'd now be called "Half Ass to Almost Half Marathon, but Then I Broke My Ankle and Died During a 15k". Seriously, they said this was a trail run, but the "trail" was straight up a mountain and full of giant rocks, fast-moving streams and pits of mud that went up to my knees. It was much more "extreme hiking" and much less "running".

This is the point where I need to thank you, our faithful blog readers. I wanted to quit so, so, SO badly, but I knew I couldn't come back and tell you guys I didn't finish. That just wasn't an option. There were parts of this race where I could've sworn I was having an out of body experience it hurt so bad. The hills were SO steep, and it was SO hot outside. I kept going though, somehow. I just couldn't come back here and say I quit.

You know, I'd love to say I felt some great sense of accomplishment when I [eventually] crossed that finish line, but really? I just felt dead and really, really dirty [Did I mention the mud holes?]. It's been over 48 hours, and I still think that race was a mistake. Maybe in a few days [weeks? months?] I'll look back on it all fondly, but at this point it's just not happening. I'm kind of angry with myself at this point. I feel like I've probably set myself back in my half training, because I'm SOOO sore, obviously my runs this week will be lacking. Live and learn though, right? I'll get over it.

Obligatory post-race picture.  MT is a fucking giant!

Tomorrow Muffin Top is going to post HER version of a race recap, along with our next training schedule [the one that will lead us to the half marathon!]. And I'll be back Wednesday, hopefully with a better attitude.

Back to Basics

It's time to nut up, folks. I realized on Monday that I've been floundering since April with my weight loss. I lost 15 lbs. pretty quickly, but then I've plateaued like a mother fucker. I haven't gained any weight back [thankfully], and I've made huge strides in endurance and fitness level, but the weight is simply not coming off. And the reality is, I still need to lose right around 35 lbs. to be at a healthy weight.

Truefax.

The gears in my head have been turning this week, and I've been scouring my favorite blogs on the interwebs for answers. How can I be running almost 20 miles a week, and yet not losing ANYTHING?!?!?

Yesterday I decided to read one of my favorite blogs [Body By Pizza] from start to finish. Rachel, [the creator of said blog] has lost 113 lbs., and it goes without saying that she's one of my weight loss heroes. She's also recently completed a 1/2 marathon [you know, like we're training for!], so we're practically BFFs, and she just doesn't know it yet. I figured if anyone had my weight loss answers, she would.

While reading one of her posts I found the basic recipe for weight loss. It's something I've known, but failed to acknowledge for the better part of 3 months now. It always goes back to calories in < calories out. I know this, yet I don't follow it, and I've paid no attention to it.  Until now, that is.  I did the math, and I realized that in order to lose 2 pounds a week [which seems really reasonable, no?], I need to be consuming no more than 1,200 calories a day. Here's the formulas that were posted on Body By Pizza, if you are interested.

655 + (4.3 x weight in lbs.) + (4.7 x height in inches) – (4.7 x ages in years) = 1615 [this is my personal BMR, which is basically the calories you burn just by being]

Next figure out your Daily Activity Level:

Sedentary Physical Activity Level (desk job, other work that entails sitting down for most of the day). If yes, your score is 1.1

Light Physical Activity Level (on feet/walking around for 1/2 the day or more, e.g. stay at home mothers, salespeople, doctors). If yes, your score is 1.2

Moderate Physical Activity Level (on the move all day with a few limited periods of being sedentary, e.g. gardeners, carpenters, mail carriers). If yes, your score is 1.3.

High Physical Activity Level (constantly on the move with significant amounts of physical labor, e.g. construction worker, farm workers, movers). If yes, your score is 1.4

BMR x Daily Activity Level + Exercise Expenditure [how many calories you burn on a typical daily work out] = AMR [2,176 for me]

(daily AMR) x 7 days = 15,235 calories per week [This is how many calories a week I can eat and maintain my current weight]

(weekly AMR) – 7,000 calories (equivalent to 2 lbs.) = 10,948 calories per week [Seems like a lot until you divide it by 7]....

This translates into roughly 1,200 calories a day. Not much, and certainly way less than I've been eating. I've been tracking my food intake daily on Sparkpeople.com, and I tend to run right around 1,800 cals/day. And that's only if I don't blow it by scarfing down extra crap food.

Oh look, it's me... again....

So, I guess I've taken this information as good news and bad news. The good news: There is actually a reason why I'm not losing weight, even though I'm running more than any person ever should. The bad news: I need to eat considerably less if I ever want to lose weight. And obviously, I DO want to lose weight. I need to figure out how people actually live on 1,200 calories a day, and figure out what said people are eating. I need a better plan. Again.

I'm going to be real here. Next week is not the week to start watching calories. I'm going out of town for vacation, complete with lots of drinking and great food. I'm pretty sure vacation is not the ideal time to start eating way less. If I'm able to maintain my weight during my stint at the beach, I'll be stoked. The week after vacation however, [July 5th, to be exact], should be an ideal time to really start watching my intake.

So I'm looking for ideas. What do the skinny people eat? I'll keep you posted on my findings, and please, feel free to add your own!