Week 46 (I'm Still) Fat Stats

Long time, no post.

How've you all been doing? I've been great - eating, drinking, having an all around great time.

What could possibly be wrong with that, you might ask. Well, the fact that I actually do not have the metabolism of a 12 year old boy is a major part of it. I made (and consumed most of) a homemade pecan pie. I gorged on candied yams. I drank my own body weight in red wine and white russians.

This is bad people, BAD!!!

Trust me, it wasn't no carrot I was stuffing in my face!!!

This is my very long winded way of saying I fuckered up. Big time.

Not only did I eat like a complete and utter MORON, I also didn't work out for A FULL WEEK. The shame!!!

With that said, if you read FGS's post yesterday you'll know that I wasn't alone in my debauchery. So, without further ado, here are the (super sad) numbers:

Fat Girl Slim's Week 46 Numbers:

Muffin Top's Week 46 Numbers:

So, yes - there was gain all around.

This is not the end.

We are re-committed.

We are on the wagon.

We are going to ROCK THIS SHIT!!!

Stuffed Like The Turkey [Not A Porno Reference, Just FYI]

Happy Monday! How was the weekend? Was it as good for you as it was for me? I ate, drank and was generally merrier than a person should be. Holidays are good for that stuff. Along with this great weekend however, came THREE mother effing pounds. How is that even possible?? Let's hope it is a lot of sodium bloat, and not a lot of fat on my ass, shall we?  [Just an aside, never, EVER google "fat ass" for images.  {{Full body shudder}}]

My scale was SUPER disappointed with me this morn.... 

Today's moment on the scale brought me immediately back to reality though, and the reality is that it's time to kick things up a notch. [Sorry for the Emeril reference, I know its been overdone]. I've been talking lately with several people about the importance of weights in a work out, and I've decided it's time. I've [finally, foolishly] decided to let my work-out-obsessive-weight-lifting-machine co-worker show me a new weight lifting routine today. Will it be the one I end up sticking to? Will I fall over and die?  Will I embarass myself totally and completely? Who knows. The point is that I'm stepping out of my comfort zone. I need new ideas, new routine, new everything.

This is me. 

I've been feeling a little stuck lately with this whole diet/exercise gig. No clue if you've all noticed my lack of blog posts, but I just haven't had a lot to say. Also, I'm teetering really close to "the weight I never get below, ever", and I think it's screwing with me. I know I CAN get past it, but at the moment it seems daunting. So I'm shaking it up. I'm going to add weights. I'm going to start running again. More importantly, I'm going to start blogging obsessively again so no one has to fret over that. [Not that you were or anything...]

I'll try my best to get my new, improved workout schedule over to MT tomorrow in time for fat stats. In the meantime though, I figure I should mention that we were featured on the Skinny Runner blog this past holiday weekend!!! Skinny Runner is a marathon-running machine, and I'm pretty sure MT has a major girl crush on her. We are SUPER proud to be featured over on her blog, so go take a look! Also, if you've found us via Skinny Runner, then WELCOME!!! Please prepare yourself for amazingly random topics and copious amounts of profanity.

Here's to a new week! What's on everyone's work out agenda???

Tuesday NO Fat Stats

No fat stats today peeps. Why? Because I'm fat and I don't want to.

I'm up 2 GDMF pounds and I'm pissed off at myself. I totally deserve to be up. I went out of town for the weekend and didn't track a damn thing that went into my mouth. Bad Muffin Top, BAD!

And it's not like it's going to get any better. It's 5:00 and I'm "officially" off for the next 5 days. Which, somewhat unfortunately, include Thanksgiving. I don't know what Thanksgiving is like in your house, but in my family we eat. And drink. And have dessert. And drink. And eat a little more.

What does this mean? Even FATTER Muffin Top! What the fuck am I supposed to do. I know skinny people make it through the holidays fine, but I'm scared. I'm really, truly, genuinely scared that I just do not have the self control necessary to not gain 5 pounds this weekend.

I'm packing all my workout stuff and bring my DVDs. My intention is to work out at least once a day, but I really want to get in 2 a days. Plus a family walk thrown in for good measure.

I'm hoping (with my fingers and toes crossed) that this will be enough. Please God, let it be enough.

*GASP* I Have Nothing To Talk About

I am not usually at a loss for words. I am way (overly) opinionated. Just ask Fat Girl Slim. She gets to listen to me go off on random tangents nearly daily.

Why then, can I not come up with a single topic for a Friday blog post?

My solution? To just talk like we were in the same room. Sitting down together to share a nice cold beer and shoot-the-shit.

FGS was playing G6 by Free Wired this morning when I walked into the office. It's been stuck in my head ALL DAMN DAY. Bonus though. I can now use the word "slizzered" in a sentence. WOOT! I'm (slightly) ashamed to say that I really love this song. It totally makes me want to go dancing.

One of my MOST favorite things in THE WORLD is to go dancing. I can shake my ass for hours on end. Quite happily, I might add.  Sad fact :( I have no (local) friends that like to go dancing. Lame. My college friend Stacie and me - we used to go out for hours, then come home and dance at home until we passed out. What could be better???

I'm heading out of town this weekend. Going to beautiful Bend, Oregon with the family. The hubs and I are considering relocating, so we are going to check it out and see if we could see ourselves there long-term.

How beautiful is this place???

Before we do that though, I have to get to go to dinner at the in-laws. Everyone from work is going out for drinks, but me? Going to the in-laws. Sometimes being an adult is really lame. Well, that and I already cashed in my stupid-crazy-completely-inappropriate drunk card for this month. I will spare you the details, but the phrase "Misty-drunk" (my RL first name) is now being used in the office. Lame.

It's 4:35 in the evening and it's getting dark. WTF?! I do not like this? Is there anywhere in the world that you can escape this? Surely there's somewhere that it doesn't get dark at 4:30 at night. I go to work when it's dark, I get home when it's dark.

I ADORE twitter. I love all of the kick-ass chicks I've met there! They make me laugh, they cheer me up, they encourage me. Total WIN. If you aren't tweeting - do it now. And follow me, we'll chat!

Follow me? Please?!

A Belated Week 44 Fat Stats

Good news!!!

I passed my ADO.NET Microsoft certification exam that I took yesterday :) Yeah me!!!

Bad news :(

I've been so obsessed with studying and taking the stupid thing that I've neglected you all.

BAD Muffin Top! BAD! Someone needs a spankin' (any takers?).

And Fat Girl Slim and me had some pretty good stats too! Here goes:

Fat Girl Slim's Week 44 Numbers:

Muffin Top's Week 44 Numbers:

WHO'S YO DADDY?!

That's right - FGS & MT be yo daddy!!!

Holding Out For A Hero...

...And I think I found one. A really good looking one at that!!!  [Oh, how I love a man in uniform...]

Today's post is brief, but I just wanted to give my husband a shout out, and let him know how PROUD I am of him!!!! Going to his police academy graduation was truly one of the most emotional moments in my entire life.  I've never been more impressed or amazed with another person.  We made it through together, and I couldn't be married to a better man.

Introducing.... Officer Fat Girl Slim!!!!

Sorry blog peeps, I can't share where he's working. [Don't you love my mad photo editing skills? I'm an expert.]

Muffin Top will be back with post-vacation fat stats tomorrow, so let's all hope the scale is feeling forgiving!!!

69 Days and Counting...

Fat Girl Slimmed did a post last week when there was exactly 69 days until the one year anniversary of our blog. There are fewer days now (only 60, how crazy is that?!), but here's my version of that post...

What's the one thing I want more than anything? To lose weight. So that's my first goal.

I want to weigh 155 pounds

Now, this isn't my goal weight, and it's not even an ambitious 2 pound a week loss. It's 10 pounds less than I weight right now, and about a 1.2 pound per week loss. Am I not aiming high enough? I don't think so. I think I'm being realistic in looking at the way my body works. I just DO NOT drop weight fast. I just don't. So why set myself up for failure when I have a chance at feeling a real sense of accomplishment? And if I do lose more? Right on!!!

I want to get back to eating healthfully

If you've read this blog for awhile you know that we are huge proponents of the green smoothie. Yeah, guess how long it's been since I had one? I am going to include at least one fruit or vegetable in every single meal and snack that I have. That's right, even my snacks.

I want to workout every single day

It's not that I want to overdo it. I'm not talking balls-to-the-wall every day. But your body was made to move. And that's what I'm going to do. I plan on having 5-6 days with "real" workouts - running, weights, what not - and 1 or 2 days where I do something nice and easy like going for a long walk or doing some relaxing yoga for flexibility.

So, what would like to accomplish in the next 60 days???

And just so you know, comments = mad love. We can't get enough of them!!!

A Conversation With Myself

I am not entitled.
It does matter.

I do not deserve it.
I will regret it.

Every little thing, every bite, each small snack, every last nibble, taste, morsel.

They all add up to the muffin top that resides on my waist. They add up to the jiggle in my thighs. To the turkey gobblers that reside under my arms.

Even more importantly though - they add up to my shame of my body, to my self loathing, to my non-existent self esteem.

They last so much longer than the two seconds of savoring the taste.

So then, why do I do it???

Win, Fail & Obsession

Happy Tuesday! I'm practically buzzing with excitement, because tomorrow I leave for vacation!!! My wonderful, sexy husband is FINALLY graduating from police academy. [helllooooo, handcuffs!], so we are headed 6 hours away to see him do so.

This last week has been a cluster for me. Work, packing, more work, it's just insanity. I realized there has been lots of WIN this week, but also lots of total FAIL. So I decided to break them down in this post. Also, I've been having a bit of obsession, but more on that at the end. Let's start with the WIN, shall we???

Total WIN. I finally wore a new, much smaller outfit to my co-worker's gathering Saturday night:

Not bad... no idea why I have such a goofy look on my face.

We won't mention the FAIL that was MT at said gathering. Let's just say, she needs to never consume that much alcohol again. Yet another WIN: I finally figured out what I'm wearing to my husband's graduation. Complete with the 'fuck me' boots. Hellz yeah.

Not exactly what I had in mind, but it works.

And a final WIN. I found that I don't look bad in hats! I got this cute number from Target, and I am totally in love with it. What do you think?

Don't mind my self-portrait fail...

And now for the FAIL. Food, food and more food. My co-worker's awesome wife made us some "Sex on your tongue" cake. Or at least that is what we decided to call it. It was freaking magical, and MT and I couldn't stay out of it. I believe it was pumpkin cheesecake of some kind with a rum/brown sugar/pecan glaze. Sooooo good. Sooooo bad for my ass.

There are no words to adequately describe how good this was...

Yet another food FAIL this week was Halloween candy. Have you guys tried the chocolate-covered peeps??? They are magic as well. Total ass-widening poofy marshmallow magic.

Mmmm... refined sugar....

Finally, I must mention the obsession. My scale and I are in a war. I know logically that I can't lose weight every day. I know my weight is going to fluctuate daily, and I need to focus on the long term. SO why do I step on it every morning??? Why do I obsess over my Go Wear Fit numbers like they are the end all, be all of my life?? I'm really not sure. However, I did something full on CRAZY last night. I took off my Go Wear Fit. I refuse to put it on until my vacation is over. I also refuse to step on the scale. Tough love, baby.

So I guess that is all for now. I leave you in Muffin Top's capable hands for the rest of the week. Don't have too much fun while I'm gone.

What Are You Listening To?

We haven't posted a play list in a looong time. I just recently updated my list for the gym, so what a perfect time to put it up here for you guys.

I don't listen to these in any particular order, I listen on random so that it's a little different every time.

 So, what about you? What are you guys listening to these days?

What Do I Really Want?

There are a million and one things that I'd like. But when it comes to my body, there are basically two things that I want.

I want to be slender

Not scrawny, not anorexic model skinny, but I would like to be svelte. I want to be able to confidently say that I am happy with where my weight is. To be at the point where there is no longer just five more pounds to lose.

No anorexia here, just sexy, sexy, sexy.

I want to be toned.

I do not want to jiggle. I do not want to be flabby. I want muscles, but not bulk. There is nothing sexy about cottage cheese thighs or arms that jiggle. On the flip side, there is nothing sexy about biceps the size of my thighs.

Seriously, look at those arms, those ABS...

Guess I better get off my ass and get ready for the gym.

69 Is A Good Number, I Think...

69 days. Just 69 days and we've been at this blogging business for ONE WHOLE ENTIRE FREAKING YEAR. Lawdy, how did this happen?!?!?!? I have no clue, but bottom line, our blog-iversary [totes not a word] is almost upon us. What better time to make some goals for the next 69 days. I need challenge. I need something to work towards. It's time.

So what would I like to accomplish by the time we've been goin' at it for a year?? The first one is very basic. I want the thing I set out for first and foremost.

I want to have lost 50 lbs total.

This is attainable. 69 days from now is almost 10 weeks away, and if I maintain a 2 lb a week loss, I should be able to wipe out the remaining 20 lbs to get me to that number. I just need to keep my head out of my ass and my eyes on the prize. Easier said than done, I realize.

My second goal is so ridiculous I almost find it funny, but I WANT it bad.

I want to get up every SINGLE morning for the next 69 days to exercise.

Yep, you read that right. 69 days of making my health my utmost priority. 69 days of saying, "Fuck you comfortable bed! You won't give me a nice ass!!!" I can do it, I think.

Finally, and probably the easiest for me...

I want to re-introduce myself to meditation.

Simple enough, but by the time we reach January, I want to be meditating again on a daily basis.

69 days. Unreal, people. Unreal!!!

And now it's Muffin Top's turn. Stay tuned for that tomorrow.

And The Winner Is...

The winner for our first ever give away has been selected! (Insert fanfare here)

It was a very technical process.

First we printed out all the entries:

After cutting them all apart, we stuck them in my mug: 

We mixed them all up: 

And we drew out the lucky winner:

So, @AGirlInTheSouth shoot us an email with your info and we'll get your goodies out and headed your way!

Tuesday Fat Stat's - Week 42

All in all, it was a so-so week. I've been in a really bad pattern the last few weeks. I weigh in on Tuesday, screw up majorly the next few days, then spend the few days before the next fat stats busting ass and double timing it.

Not good.

My goal for this week is straightforward - consistency. I need to workout everyday. I need to watch what I eat. I need to stay within my calories.

And, I've got to be honest with you, I've already screwed up. We had a department lunch this afternoon, which apparently, to me, means eat every single fattening thing you can stuff into your mouth. Damn it Muffin Top!!!

I know the sodium alone will kill me when I step on the scale tomorrow - but I'm going to do my best to not consume very many more calories, and I'm going to work out like a fiend tonight!

So? How did we do this week? Here goes...

Fat Girl Slim's Week 42 Numbers:

Muffin Top's Week 42 Numbers:

Stay tuned - we'll be posting the giveaway winner this afternoon :)

Life Is Too Short

...to wait for some magical number on the scale before having amazing kitchen counter sex.

Oh YES, yes she did...

Just sayin'.

A Review: No More Trouble Zones (aka I Want To Die)

If you've read this blog for any length of time, you know that we both adore and loathe Jillian Michaels. Her "30 Day Shred" is our absolute go to DVD. If you've got 25 minutes, the Shred can hand you a serious workout. "No More Trouble Zones" is similar to the Shred in a couple of ways. They both kick your ass and they both are based on circuits. The main difference? Including the warm-up and cool-down, this DVD will take a whopping 55 minutes out of your day.

Yep, this is gonna hurt

No More Trouble Zones is broken down into 7 separate 6 minute intervals. They each focus on different body parts:

1. Shoulders & Legs
2. Chest & Abs
3. Biceps & Butt
4. Thighs & Triceps
5. Core
6. Upper Body & Core
7. Lower Body & Core

Do not doubt that each of these 6 minutes last long enough to make your muscles buuurrrnnn! After I did this DVD for the first time, I was sore. Sore like I haven't been in a good long time!

I don't know that exact number of calories that this workout will burn, but I am always sweaty mess by the end.

The bottom line? This is an ass-kicking workout! I would fancy myself as a fairly in shape person at this point, and it worked me good! And it has a 5 star rating on Amazon.com - with 381 reviews. I'm not the only one that likes this bad boy :)

Some highlights from the DVD:

How about some weights...

And a little core work...

A little kick-boxing for the "fun" of it...

And while we're at it, might as well do some more weights

The Give Away

Just a quick note - Fat Girl Slim is not here today :(

Therefore the selection of the winner will be postponed until tomorrow.

I'm really, really, really sorry!

If you haven't entered yet, it's not to late!!! Just go here.