Thursday, October 28, 2010

Why Have I Kept My Head Up My Ass For So Long???

I had the distinct privilege of taking a day off mid-week yesterday. It really doesn't happen very often, and of course, instead of relaxing or taking it easy, I did what any masochistic asshole would do. I cleaned out my closet and tried on clothes that [until recently] were too small. Imagine my surprise when I slipped on THE pair of jeans I've been thinking were my "skinny" jeans [or at least from skinnier times], and I could button and zip them! They are still pretty tight, and I wouldn't wear them in public yet, but HELLO!!! I can zip them. They may look like tight sausage casings on my thighs, but it's something, right?

Anyways, after the initial high realizing I AM really losing weight, came a big blow. THESE were my skinny jeans, but I'm nowhere near skinny. How did I not realize this? Why did I choose to ignore it?? How long HAVE I been overweight, anyways? Too long, my friends. Too long.

Those "skinny" jeans are a size 11. [Juniors, if I'm not mistaken?]  It's definitely not a huge size, but it isn't terribly small either.  [Not to mention the fact that they are worn in and potentially streched out.]  I haven't put a leg in them for 8 years, I believe. Is it possible that I've been this big for EIGHT years? Is it possible that I wasted away at least that long not being happy with my body? Abso-freaking-lutely. I'm actually pretty sure I haven't been happy with my body since my senior year in high school. I was athletic, I weighed 145 lbs., and I fit into size 5 pants. I want it back so bad it physically hurts.

Lately we've been getting lots of requests for Before/Current pictures. I figured I'd post a few today, just to "see how far I've come" while choosing not to focus on "how far I have left to go". I actually have very few pictures of myself when I was at my biggest, not unlike most people who are disgusted by their appearance.

For your viewing pleasure:

This picture below is of me at my absolute biggest. No clue how much I weighed, I wouldn't dare.

Terrible picture of a Twi-nerd, I know!!!  Don't judge.

And the most current picture I have:

Bad dressing room self shot, but you get the idea.

I can see it. There definitely is some progress there. And I promise you, my friends, one day there will be before AND after pictures on this site. We will celebrate then.

6 comments:

  1. Holy hell lady!!!! You look phenomenal!!!
    (definitely not judging the "Twi-nerdiness" since I was in FOOORKS too!) Congrats on keeping up with your goals! I need to hop on the motivation train...I was the girl growing up that everyone called "too skinny" and so I never needed to work out or anything. My friends actually put me on an ice cream diet to gain weight. 10 years later and the weight just came out of nowhere. It's not that I think I'm big but when never having to worry about weight, I'm just not comfortable in my body now because nothing I ever try on at stores fits, and I feel like I always have to bulk up my clothes to hide my flaws. I wouldn't mind weighing the same but being toned and healthy. I eat really healthy but my weight never budges. I just would like to fit in to my clothes without being uncomfortable, have more energy and love what I look like. Your blog seems to be the place for me to get the inspiration to do all of that so I'm glad I found it and I'm so proud of you for sticking to your goals!!! You look amazing. :)

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  2. Amazing! You look really amazing! You should be proud...I know exactly how long I've been this big. 10 years. I'm a bit horrified that I let it go on this long, but at least I'm doing something about it NOW! I need to find more motivation on the workout end of things, but I've handled the food side quite well and that's got me a good start...So let's not dwell on how long we let it go, or on how far we have to go, but instead celebrate that we're actually doing it! Congrats!

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  3. you indeed look amazing. you are doing a great job!

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  4. She's looking good huh? Guess I better get to finding some pictures I can bear to post...

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