Saturday, May 7, 2011

A Check In

Life is pretty crazy these days. It used to be that I could bust out a blog post at work no problem. Not so much any more. I work HARD for the money these days!

It's not so much that I don't like my job. I just don't like the stress of it, or the sheer volume that I'm expected to put out. *snickers - I said 'put out'*

Add to that the fact that I don't have any health insurance until next month, the stress levels are high. Besides the obvious, not having insurance is a very bad thing for me for other reasons. I exist on a cocktail of 3 anti-depressants. To the tune of about $2000 a month. Guess what I can't afford without insurance? Bingo. I (kind of) planned ahead though. I've cut all my pills in half and for last month and this month I've been on a half dose.

I'm not gonna lie, it hasn't been easy. I don't know how many of you know any one with true biologically based clinical depression - but without my medications, I'm just not me. I have a hard time to just get the basics of life handled. Adding exercising and healthy eating into that, and I am so overwhelmed I'm on the verge of tears daily.

I've got to admit, I have not done well the last few weeks. Not by a long shot. I finally went to weight watchers for the first time in 3 weeks this morning and I was up 3 fucking pounds. It pissed me off. I'm mad at myself. I am better than that. I can do better than that.

And I'm going to. Because life is to short and this is just a season I have to get through.

Only 24 more days and those happy pills are MINE!

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