Fat Stats Postponed

I didn't do fat stats yesterday. It was my last day of work with Fat Girl Slimmed

I'm not going to do them today either.

My heart hurts.

Way down deep in a place that cannot be reached by consolation. A place where nothing can really make it better, because damn it, it's NOT going to be better. It will be different, maybe even good, but it can't really ever be better.

I'm sitting at home when I should be at work with my homie. I'm packing up my family to leave my home. It's not just a house, it's where I've built a life, raised a family. There's a wall where we've marked our boys heights since they could stand up. Who's going to appreciate that when we leave?

I have no words of wisdom to impart. I have no inspiration to give. I only have a hole that can never be filled by anyone except the people I'm leaving behind.

I'm sorry this blog hasn't been what it should be lately, and I promise we will get back on track.

But right now? I just can't right now.

Starting Over

I've been trying to write this post for a few days now, and the words just won't come out the way I want them to.  But now Tuesday is almost upon me, so I don't have any more chances to post this.  Tomorrow is officially Muffin Top's last day at work with me.  It's the last time we'll spend the day together as we have for almost every week day of the last two years.  It's the last time we'll go to the gym together.  It may even be the last time we listen to Ice Cube together.  I'm so conflicted about this.

First, I have to say that I'm so proud of Muffin Top and her husband.  They set out with a goal of moving to a new city, and damn it, they made it happen.  There was no sitting around day dreaming.  They made plans and stuck to them, and I wish them nothing but the best in their new endeavors.  I know without a doubt both of them will succeed at whatever they do. 

All that said, I kind of feel lost about it all.  Where does this leave me?  Who will kick me out the door and force me to the gym?  Who will sing Ludacris with me?  Who will I have Bob Friday with?  This is all a little scary.

I realized today that I'm pretty much starting over.  And Muffin Top is starting over tenfold.  Scary.  I've been so off track for weeks now.  The lack of routine and the lack of motivation have sent me into a downward spiral.  A lot of our last weeks posts have been depressing at best because nobody relishes in the unknown.  It's hard to be too excited when everything is changing.  Humans crave what is comfortable and safe.  Nothing about this new phase in life seems safe. 

Just the other day I was thinking of all that's happened in the past two years.  I was feeling really emo because as usual, I'm resistent to change.  I don't want Muffin Top to leave; we have a comfortable pattern we've fallen into.  Half the time we can complete each other's sentences.  I guess that's what happens when you spend 40 hours a week in the same room with someone, plus long runs on Saturday.  I'm stubborn and selfish, and I have no desire whatsoever for my routine to change. 

However, I realized that I was in this same predicament a little over 2 years ago.  At that time, I was really was unsure about going back to work.  The thought was scary and sad, and I had no desire to leave my comfort zone.  Hell, I really wasn't even too sure about working with another girl.  I had always been the only one, and I wasn't really up for drama.  Change can be good though.  So many things in my life have improved since I put myself out there again.  If I never would've tried, I would've missed out on SO much. 

In no particular order:

-I've made lots of new friends. 
-Muffin Top and I got gym memberships and ACTUALLY used them a lot!!! 
-We made a running schedule and saw it through, all the way to the half marathon! 
-We actually started this blog, and we've actually posted on it.  Crazy.
-I planted a garden [well, my hubby did!]
-I've officially lost over 25lbs

This list could go on and on.  So much of my life has changed for the better, all because I made that leap and started over.  So, it's time to do it again.

And Muffin Top, I know you are scared, sad and just generally emo, but this is going to be a good change.  These last two years wouldn't of been as crazy good if you weren't around to motivate me, or randomly bitch at me, or just listen to me whine.  I don't think I've ever laughed so hard or spent so much time contemplating random thoughts.  It's been good.  Really good.  But there is more good to come for us all.  I just know it.

"Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends.”

Busting Out

I didn't post fat stats yesterday. I'm not going to do them today either.

Why? I. just. don't. want. to.

I'm emo, I'm fat, I'm depressed, I'm unmotivated. I'm pissed at myself. Pissed at the world.

Today is the very last Wednesday I will ever work with Fat Girl Slim. And that sucks.

There is just way to much going on in my life right now.

Changing jobs.

Moving kids to a new school.

Moving an entire household with 2 1/2 weeks notice.

Leaving everyone I know and love.

Trying to sell a house that's now worth considerably less than I owe.

And on top of that I've been eating horribly and not counting my calories. This just spirals my depression. Not good. I need to bust out of this ... this ... whatever the hell this is.

Some Weekends Rock

This last weekend happened to be one of them. First, on Friday night, I went out with the work crew and had a BLAST. I was tipsy for the first time in For-EV-er. Then Saturday we headed to the coast where my hubby works. It was an amazing, relaxing, fun-filled time. It was SO nice to spend some time with him on my weekend. And the weather... well I'll let these pictures speak for themselves!!!  Seriously, I'm not sure how I could live in a more gorgeous location. 

Muffin Top is back tomorrow with fat stats. I've had a really hard time getting it together the past few weeks. I'm not sure what's up, but I need to get back on track. ASAP, preferably!!!

I've Got A Feeling...

...That tonight's gonna be a good night.  That tonight's gonna be a good good night.

This week I've exercised ONCE.

I've had ZERO green smoothies.

I've made maybe TWO good decisions with food.

But you know what???  I'm going out tonight.  I'm going out with my work crew [including Muffin Top, natch!], sans kids.  And for just today, I don't give a SHIT about exercise and weight loss. 

Yep. Yep.  NO problems tonight!!!

I'll be back on Monday with something productive to say.  Until then, have a FABULOUS weekend.

CHEERS!!!!

(Belated) Tuesday Fat Stats

Considering today is a fat stats day, we were bad girls.

We started out with really good intentions. It just went downhill from there.

Neither of us could even deal with the thought of going to the gym. Our solution? Spend our hour lunch going for a nice long walk.

And walk we did. We went down to Barnes & Noble and I got my 8 y.o. boy the next Captain Underpants book. Then we walked some more and ended up right smack dab in front of Apple Bee's.

I'm sure it will come as no big surprise that we talked ourselves into going in. Because we are in mourning. It's therapeutic. It cost less than a co-pay. And here's what we had (mine's in the front, FGS is in the back):

Nom, nom, nom

We made one serious mistake though. When we stumbled walked back into the office, our boys were not very impressed that we had not called to invite them. Oops.

They, of course, then felt the need to put this outside the door to our office:

Yes, we work with children

Not nice boys. Not nice.

Anyway, I'm rambling and that's not even the point of this post. It's fat stats time, so here goes:

Fat Girl Slim's Week 53 Numbers:

Muffin Top's Week 53 Numbers:

FGS had a nice week of maintaining - anytime you don't gain it's a win. Don't you ever forget it.

I've been so stressed out that I haven't been able to eat. At all. Hence the 2.8 pounds lost.

I wish I could say it was because I worked my butt off, but that would totally be a lie. I plan to continue this trend though. I will not move and become a fat ass. I will. not. do. it.

Change Is Inevitable

To much is going on to do fat stats today. Tomorrow though - swears!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There's nothing you can do about it, change is going to happen rather you want it to or not.

Sometimes though, change comes about, and you have no one to blame but yourself.

I've lived in the same area for 17 years now. Mr. MT has lived here 31 years. We've been thinking for some time about relocating to a different area - probably sometime this coming summer. So when we saw a couple of job openings last week, we thought "what the hell".

Well, that "what the hell" has turned into 2 job offers. In a city that is 3 hours away and where I don't know anyone.

We are going to go for it. And I'm scared. Really scared. And sad. And nervous. And emo. And worried. And excited. And now I'm in tears.

Most pertinent to this blog though, I'm going to miss my FGS like a mother fucker. She's my work buddy. She's my gym buddy. She's my gawd damn blogging buddy.

Now I'm crying for real, so I'm just going to leave you with this.

You cannot and will never be replaceable FGS.