Friday, February 26, 2010

Keeping Up The Intensity

This week (so far) has been a good week for the diet/exercise fanatic in me. I've ate really healthy, and the work outs have been hard, long and plentiful. [*snicker*] I've gotten lots of comments on my supposed "intensity". Hell, I even resisted a Blizzard last night. You know, from Dairy Queen. For those living under a rock, a Blizzard is any kind of candy (preferably chocolate or cookie dough) mixed into yummy, soft-serve ice cream. It's essentially heaven in a cup. And I didn't even eat it! If that's not intensity, then I don't know what is.

THIS is a Blizzard.  Please don't drool on your keyboard...

Every time we're running I tell MT that we are the pigs. This is not the derogatory comment you think it is. It's not even a lame attempt at self-deprecating humor. It's a ham and eggs breakfast. [Stay with me here]. It takes two animals to make a ham and eggs breakfast, a chicken and a pig. The chicken is involved, but that pig, he is committed. MT and I? We are the pigs right now. We are committed.

See?  We're pigs!

The problem I come up against is always the weekend, however. During the week I'm intense. I'm committed. Then I get home on Friday night and oh, wouldn't a happy hour cocktail be nice, and oh, how about half a pizza to go with it? Somewhere between Friday night and Monday morning I'm screwing things up royally. These poor weekend habits really need to stop so I don't gain back in two days what I've lost in five.

This weekend I have a few different tactics to try. I'm going to attempt to do what the healthy people do, and we'll see if that makes any difference.

First off, directly after work today, I'm going for a run. [WTF, right?]. I'll use exercise to rid myself of the work week stressors, not Captain Morgan. I may or may not ever do this again, but hey, I'll try anything once! [That's what she said!]. Tomorrow and Sunday, I'm going to wake up and do Pilates come hell, high water or hangover. I've recently found that exercising in the morning puts me in the correct frame of mind for the entire day. And on weekends especially, I need to have my game face on. I'm tired of two steps forward just to take a step back on the weekend. I can do better, because if there is no weight loss again come Monday, I may actually Hulk smash my scale this time.

This will be me if the scale doesn't move in the right direction...

Thursday, February 25, 2010

I kick ass

Today I'm tired, I'm unbelievably sore, I've already worked out SIX times this week, and honestly - I feel pretty damn good about it! I was pretty annoyed when Fat Girl Slim started on her "I'm gonna be a morning person" kick this week. I need a good 30 minutes before anyone talks to me, or looks at me, or even breathes around me. I shower, then I sit on/in the bathroom sink and drink my nice thick sludge-like black coffee.

Like this, except not as cute, and with a big ol' mug next to me.
What?! Don't judge me

Against my better judgment, I did Pilates yesterday morning before I had dropped the kids at school and speed to work. It was a HUGE time crunch, and we were almost late, and I forgot to put on my mascara, but I did it. And, do NOT tell FGS, but I kind of like how accomplished I felt afterwards. I got to work already thinking "hell yeah! I already exercised!". So I got up this morning, and did it again! While it might not be shocking to some, I never thought I would turn into an 'I lurve the way exercising makes me feel' type of girl. I think it might be happening though. And it's all her fault - obnoxious isn't she?!

I'm still having moments of shock, where I realize what I've just done (usually this is not a good thing for me). After a run, I'm pretty damn impressed with myself. After I conquer level 2 of the Shred, in between the groans of pain, I want to yell "I ROCK"!!!

It really, truly honestly completely sucks ass when you first start exercising - but I can promise you that if you just start pretty soon you will be admiring yourself too!
Cause really, couldn't we all use a little?!
And if your answer is no - I hate you, you skinny little twat

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

The Big Green Hump: Week 7

Fine, I admit it.  I've been an epic failure with the green smoothies this week.  I think the increased exercise I've been doing has been making me crave protein or something, because I've simply had no desire for the greens.  However, I whipped this one up to try out last weekend and it was a total win.  I've promised myself to start back on the green train tomorrow.

I'm featuring baby spinach as our green this week.  When it comes to green smoothies, baby spinach is like my favorite pair of jeans.  Comfortable.  Reliable.  Versatile.  I always come back to it. 

The benefits of greens have been mentioned over and over on this blog, but I would like to remind you that spinach is a rock star.  It has loads of vitamin C, iron, folic acid and fiber.  And the best part is the taste.  You can add a huge amount of baby spinach to your smoothie and not even notice it's there.  Brilliant.

So here it is.  Have one for me.  Get your blend on.

"Big Green Melons"

3 cups baby spinach

2 cup ripe cantaloupe slices
1 cup strawberries, frozen
1 cup raspberries, frozen
2 cups water (or green tea!)
1 tbsp agave nectar

Blend baby, blend.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

If You Want To Look Like Someone Who Gets Up At 6am To Work Out, Then Well...

To say I was disappointed with the lack of weight loss this week would be a huge understatement. I knew I hadn't been getting much exercise in. [Stitches all up in your mouth will do that to you.] I knew I hadn't ate perfectly either. However, I still think I should've lost some weight. I wasn't that bad...I don't think.

I got so angry when I hopped on that scale Monday morning. I almost went all Hulk and smashed the freaking scale on the toilet. But instead of using the anger against myself [and potentially freaked Mr. FGS out], I used it to make me more determined. This week, it's on. I'm going to exercise every day and eat right. I'm going to do all that healthy shit that skinny, toned, beautiful people do. This brings me to my point. I've decided to get up and exercise in the morning. Because that's what skinny people do, right? Right?
This is me!!!

The only problem with this is that I'm not really a morning person. At all. In fact, I could do without mornings altogether. They could just go away. I'm the kind of person who would press the snooze ten times if I were able. I used to do this in college and annoy the crap out of my sister. (Hi sis!) Mr. FGS quite literally tries to wake me up several times before I drag my ass out of bed. So how am I supposed to work out in the morning? Yesterday around noon I finally realized the answer. I need to train myself to be a morning person! The same way I'm training myself to love running and eat lots of vegetables.

When I had this epiphany yesterday, I told two people, MT and another good friend of mine. They both had the exact same response. "Good luck with that!!" It's true; I may never get there. But at this point, I'm willing to do just about anything to get the body I want. Ok, that's so not true, but I am willing to make some sacrifices.

Gotta love Kramer!!!

This morning, I drug my soooo tired ass out of bed and did Winsor Pilates. I am fucking super woman, people!! Or at least it felt that way after I had finished. And surprisingly enough, I've had a lot of energy today. MT was really annoyed with my new enthusiasm, and that may be reason alone to continue on this path!

They say it takes twenty one days to make something a habit [I think?]. I intend to make my new morning "exercise, super woman, bad ass routine" just that. I WILL do Pilates every morning in addition to all the other work out crap I'm subjecting myself to. I WILL eventually look like a woman who gets up early to exercise.

Who's with me? MT? Don't you think it's about time you nut up?

Monday, February 22, 2010

Monday's Fat Stats - Week 6

Everything in this life has its complement. Up and down, sad and happy, good and bad, energetic and tired, young and old. Why then does it surprise me that my weight loss efforts should be any different? If I have a good day, shouldn't I expect an off day? If I have a good week, why am I surprised when a bad week follows?

Although I am quite an exceptional example ;) I am still only human. I screw up, I have a hard time, I lose my temper. And, for the most part, I whine a little whole bunch and then just move one. There is something about exercise and eating right though - when I screw up, everything in me screams to just throw in the towel and say SCREW IT!

This weekend I spent nearly every waking hour studying for a certification exam I have coming up. In the kitchen was one of my most favorite things in the world - Robin's Eggs!!!

Oh my sweet love, where have you been all my life?

So my thought process went a little like this:
I've been studying so hard - I DESERVE some!
Just a couple of them won't hurt me.
Well fudge, I've already had 20 handfuls, might as well finish the whole damn bag :(

Now it's Monday, and I didn't lose a single pound last week. Big surprise there - but regardless it's a huge disappointment. I want to say Forget It! I'm tired of working out, I'm tired of having smoothies, and fruit and raw almonds.

But, for every up - there's a down. For every good - there's a bad. And for every screw up - there's the choice to do better next time. I'm sure as hell going to while the whole time, but I'm GOING TO DO BETTER THIS TIME!

Before showing you this week's numbers, I want to point out what we've done so far:

Fat Girl Slim has lost 14.5 inches and 6.4 pounds!!!

Muffin Top has lost 5.75 inches and 5 pounds!!!

Not to shabby if you ask me - regardless if this week wasn't exactly epic.

Fat Girl Slim's Week 6 Numbers:

Muffin Top's Week 6 Numbers:

The towel will not be thrown in this week! Here's what we will be doing, in addition to 3 days of cross training:

Workout #1
Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then:
Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
Jog 3/4 mile (or 8 minutes)
Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
For writing on your hand

Workout #2
Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then:
Jog 1 mile (or 10 minutes)
Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
Jog 1 mile (or 10 minutes)
For writing on your hand

Workout #3
Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then:
Jog 2-1/4 miles (or 25 minutes) with no walking.

Persevere! It will be worth it in the end :)

Friday, February 19, 2010

Stupid People....aka Managing Your Stress

I really hate cannot stand stupid people. And yet, they surround me, they follow me everywhere I go; they single me out as the perfect person to drive to new levels of insanity. Some people say that I just need to be nicer, more understanding, have more patience. Well, I say if you weren't a stupid ass hat there would be NO need for me to have any of those qualities. How can I understand pure idiocy?

I see stupid people

My tolerance is especially low on Fridays. With the weekend so close, I can almost taste it. I can be a pretty chill girl; I mean Fridays are known around the office as "Bob Friday" because I listen to Bob Marley all day. If Bob can't mellow you, really what can?

*** Whoa, Nelly!!!  This is where I have to step in.  Fat Girl Slim here!  MT asked me to finish this post, because she knew she had a point when she started, but then she just lost it.  Forgive her.  To say she's had a stressful day would be a serious understatement at this point.  No need to talk about work on the blog, but I think we can all agree that some days are total stress and bullshit no matter WHAT kind of job you have (or don't have).

Oh wow, this looks JUST like MT today!

Co-workers can suck.  Bosses can suck.  Hell, even our spouses and friends can suck sometimes.  Stress is all around us on a nearly suffocating basis, so how do we keep our heads above water?  [MT needs this post today, because clearly she's drowning.]

Have we talked yet about the fact that stress can actually make you fatter?  Apparently stress can raise those cortisol levels, and raised levels can lead to more fat.  Somehow.  I'm no scientist.  I think I actually heard that on The View or Oprah or some equally as obnoxious television vomit.  Point being, I don't need even ONE MORE THING to make me fat!!!  So I've been working on my inner Zen master.  MT can listen to Bob Marley all she wants, but let's face it.  If he's not here in the flesh, offering up a joint, he's probably not helping her stress level all that much. 

Make it all better, Bob!!!

So I present you with my list.  [Pay attention MT!!]  These are the steps I'm taking in my life to combat the stress.  It's probably nothing you haven't all heard before, but you have to actually implement changes for them to work!

1) Get eight hours of sleep a night.  This sounds like a no brainer, but how often do you NOT do this?  You think you can get by on 6, or you think you can make it up in coffee.  Guess what?  You can't!  Our bodies need sleep, and I shit you not, ever since I've been adamant about getting my eight in, I've been a nicer person.

2) Lay off the caffeine.  It raises your blood pressure.  It gives you highs and lows.  If you are prone to any kind of anxiety, consider it doubled when you drink your morning coffee.  Remember, nobody likes a nasty bitch face!

3) Keep up with the exercise.  It combats stress people.  If you are more douche monkey and less peaceful citizen of the world, perhaps you should look into some yoga.  Or Pilates?  Or anything really that helps release some tension.

4) Practice meditation.  I told you I was a Zen master!  30 minutes of calm, peaceful breathing exercises can really make a difference in your stress level.  Some nights I'll simply lay in a hot bath for awhile and just listen to myself breathe.  I always get out feeling relaxed, calm and ready for the EIGHT hours of sleep I'm going to get.

5) Hang out with friends.  And make sure your friends aren't boring assholes while your at it.  We all need to laugh, so make sure you are doing that often enough.  Sometimes just getting out for an evening with Mr. FGS or a friend can make all the difference in the world.

Let's all take a moment to note that getting WASTED all weekend long is nowhere on this list!!!  Alcohol can cause more anxiety than you realize.  And it's certainly not fat free!!

I'd love to bore you all with more ideas, but you all must forgive me.  It's 5:00pm on Friday, and the best two day de-stresser of all is about to start.  Have an amazing weekend!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Let's Talk Setbacks...Cause Face It, They Happen A Lot.

It may go without saying, but yesterday was a craptastic day for me. I had a three hour dental "procedure" and by the time I was done; I was ready to crawl into my bed and never come out again.

This was me yesterday...except I'm not a dude.

You see, about ten odd years ago, I knocked my front teeth out with a golf ball. I'm totally serious. I don't even know how I did it exactly, but whatever, I've been dealing with the consequences ever since. At first, they put them back in, and that lasted for quite awhile. Eventually, however, one of the teeth needed to be replaced. I won't go into the horrors that are dental implants, but basically they put a freaking huge screw in your jawbone and attach a fake tooth to it. Then you wait to see if it takes. Six months later, we found out that MY implant didn't take. It didn't grab hold of my jaw or some shit. To say I was angry would be a gross understatement. So yesterday, I went in to have it removed and to have a bone graft placed. It was total hell, and I left the dentist office with lots of stitches and orders not to do any running. [yes, I asked!]

This is what I'd call a setback. At first I thought, "I will prevail!" If I couldn't run, I'd just do Pilates instead! No one can bring me down, right? WRONG. Having my head any other way than completely vertical brought on jaw pain that rivaled child birth. Crap. So... maybe I could do The Shred? WRONG again. The impact from jumping jacks and butt kicks was pretty close to running, so I figured I shouldn't do that either. After all, I don't want to mess up my stitches or anything.

Finally last night I decided to just accept it and admitted defeat.  I was having my first, true setback since starting this whole exercise thing. I don't mean the things that come up that I CAN work around. I mean a true impasse. I'll admit, I was sort of bummed. I've spent five weeks now working out with a fervor that rivals twenty nerds playing World of Warcraft. I've noticed I actually get pissy when I can't get in exercise these days. The last thing I wanted was to lose the momentum I've finally got going on.

This is real life, however, and setbacks happen to all of us. The best advice I can give you when they do occur? Get back on that horse and riiiiiiide, as soon as your possibly able. One or two days won't break the new habits you've formed, and the best way to move past a setback is to do just that; move your ass right past it.

Ride, bitch!  Ride!!!

Today I went for a run again (and it was damn hard). My mouth kinda throbbed from the motion [that's what she said!], but it was worth it for my morale. I needed to make sure that one little setback wasn't going to take me down. I conquered that run. I encourage you to do the same thing with your true setbacks.  No need to get down, just find the will to start right back up again.  The little bumps in the road won't mean anything when we're finally crossing that finish line.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

The Big Green Hump: Week 6

Damn, it's after 4 pm and I haven't even posted a smoothie recipe yet! Today has been a bad day of sorts. Painful dental work, stitches, yeah, you don't even want to know. I'm not even allowed to run today (oh what a shame!)

So I'll cut to the chase and just post the freaking recipe already. The pain and the drugs are making me less than lucid, so I better have MT proof read this one...

Today's featured green is mint. Mint is an awesome source of Zinc, Niacin, Phosphorus, Iron, Calcium, and Potassium. Good stuff is in this green!! It also contains folate and vitamins A and C.

I've found this recipe tastes more like dessert than a healthy smoothie, and that's just fine by me!!!

Throw this in your blender:

"Mint Chocolate Magnificence"

4 bananas
2 cups water
1 tbsp raw cacao
2 handfuls of mint

Bottoms up!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Real Life Sucks

It's been a day - one of "those" days, were everything seems to go wrong and you would be pissed off at the whole world, but you just don't even have the energy left for that.

Fat Girl Slim and I have had a game plan. Bring all our running crap to work this week and run on Moday, Wednesday and Friday. So, Monday I was sick - horrible lingering cold that just won't leave me the hell alone. Tuesday rolls around and it's back to the grind - we missed Monday but that's cool we'll just run today at noon. But (huge) surprise, at 11:45 my phone rings - my oldest is in the school office saying he thinks he's going to throw up. Well ... scratch that nooner.

Fast forward - Mr. MT gets home, I get back to work, it's 5:00 (aka quiting time for any non-salary people out there). Being the bad-asses we are - will FGS and me slack off? Hell no! We are going to run - except for the boss comes by and wants to talk work, and talk, and talk, and - you get the point.

SCREW Calgon - Where's the liquor?!

Now the question is - what do we do? Well, do we do what we've always done - which would be to swear to each other that we'll make it up another day? I really wish I could tell you that there was NO way in hell that thought crossed my mind. But then I would just be lying to both of us. I wanted to go home. Period. I wanted to shove needles under my finger nails about as much as I wanted to run.

But ... we did it. I whined the entire damn time, but we DID it. Life doesn't go according to plan, shit happens, people suck, and then you still have to make dinner, give the kids a bath and do some more damn laundry. And even though that's true, some times you just have to slap yourself upside the head and say - that's who I WAS. Now I run, and that's what I'm going to do. NUT UP!

"You feel good while you're running and you feel even better when you're finished."
- Fred Lebow, founder of the New York City Marathon

Monday, February 15, 2010

My New Running Partner

Meet Kelise, our new dog we adopted on Saturday!

Monday's Fat Stats - Week 5

It actually works! If you stop stuffing your face and start moving your body, you see results! This might seem obvious to some people. Not so much for me - in the middle of a run, with my lungs about to explode and my legs about to fall out from underneath me; or on Valentine's day when everyone else is gorging on chocolate - I'm not feeling like it's worth, like it's doing any good. But then I get on the scale Monday morning and realize that I've lost THREE pounds this week!!! So I say hell yeah it works, it might totally suck and hurt at the time, but it's worth it!

On that positive note, look at how good we did this week :)

Fat Girl Slim's Week 5 Numbers:

Muffin Top's Week 5 Numbers:

I know people say that it gets easier, but I'm not going to lie to you - those people are completely full of crap. It's still hard and it still hurts like a mother, but I can run a lot longer then when I first started.  And the Shred still makes me think I'm going to die - but I've moved on to level 2!

This little bought of optimism will probably be short lived though, and I'll be right back to whining at FGS how I just don't want to run today. And even looking at this week's running schedule doesn't completely freak me out (yet). It's going to be a bitch too, by the end of the week we are going to have to run for TWENTY MINUTES straight, with no walking! I didn't even know that was possible, but apparently we are going to be doing it...

Workout 1
Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then:
Jog 5 minutes (or 1/2 mile)
Walk 3 minutes (or 1/4 mile)
Jog 5 minutes (or 1/2 mile)
Walk 3 minutes (or 1/4 mile)
Jog 5 minutes (or 1/2 mile)
For writing on your hand

Workout 2
Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then:
Jog 8 minutes (or 3/4 mile)
Walk 5 minutes (or 1/2 mile)
Jog 8 minutes (or 3/4 mile)

For writing on your hand

Workout 3
Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then:
Jog 20 minutes (or 2 miles) with no walking

I have absolutely no idea how I will make it through these runs, but I do know that the more running I do the more calories I will burn. And the more calories I burn the more likely I am to see those kick ass numbers on my scale!

Hell Ya!!!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Black Bean Chicken

I figured it was time I posted one of my favorite, go-to recipes.  I call this Black Bean Chicken, and it's a staple lately in our household.  Cook it all day in crock pot, and it will be ready to eat when you are ready to eat it. 

The cast of characters:

2 cans black beans
2 cans corn
2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
1 can diced green chilies
taco seasoning to taste

First, add the chicken to the crock pot, and season it with taco seasoning.

Next, add the cans of corn into the mix:

Then it's time for some diced green chilie action:

Now pour on the black beans:

Final step now, you can do it!  Put some taco seasoning on top and turn on the crock pot!

After it's cooked all day, serve it up on warm, whole wheat tortillas.  Maybe add a little sour cream and cheese if you aren't watching those calories.

I promise you, no one will be disappointed in this recipe.  All three of my kids will eat this, and if they will, anyone will.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Dear 52", beautiful, magnificent, Sony Bravia LCD TV that I love so much,

Yeah, this one.  Try not to drool...

I just can't do this anymore. I'm tired of this one way relationship we've been having. You do all the giving. I do all the taking. It's just not working for me these days. I know you can sense the change in our relationship, too. I mean, please, it's not like I even turn you on anymore!

I have other interests now, and I simply don't have time for you. It takes me far too long these days to prepare my meals, read my marathon manuals and ice my aching body. And well, I guess I should just admit it. I've become a sick, masochistic runner; and I'm being totally honest when I say it's me, not you. What we used to have was so beautiful that it pains me to write this. We had Oprah time, Iron Chef time, NCIS time and even time for Wheel of Fortune time if I was bored. You have always been there for me when I needed it, and I won't forget that, I promise.

With the start of Spring right around the corner, I figure things will just get worse. We are just headed in opposite directions. I want to plant a garden and spend more time outside. You just want to start playing re-runs and infomercials.

This letter is more for you than for me. You deserve someone with time for you. Someone like my husband, Mr. FGS, who will make time for you no matter what's going on. Even when the house is a mess and the kids need bathed, Mr. FGS will never, ever neglect you the way I have!

I know this is bad timing, with it being Friday night and all, but I figured it was best to get this out in the open and move on with things. It's probably best for us to just have a clean break. Maybe one day, I'll come crawling back, but for now this is goodbye. Hold on to the memories; we'll always have Survivor seasons 1 through 18 to reminisce about. Those were the good old days.


Fat Girl Slim

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The Big Green Hump: Week 5

I really look forward to Wednesdays now, and not just because it's hump day [*wink, wink*]. I've received a lot of positive feedback both on and off the blog about the green smoothie recipes, and that really excites me. I love that other people are hopping on the "drink your veggies" train and not getting off at the next station. There are so many great recipes out there to share; the possibilities are truly endless.

This week's featured green is cabbage. Red or green in color; it doesn't really matter. It's good stuff!! And although you may not believe it, there are actually better ways to eat it than soaked in mayo as a side dish to your fried chicken. In the nutrition world, cabbage gets some rave reviews. It's cheap to buy, freezes well, and contains a shit ton of protective vitamins. Also, you can eat an entire cup for 15 calories. Can I get a "Hell Yeah!" for cabbage??

This is NOT low calorie cabbage, just so we're on the same page...

I could spend all day spreading the cabbage love, but I won't bore you with those details. To sum it up, cabbage has loads of vitamins A, B, C and E, and its therapeutic value has been proven beyond a doubt. From infection to ulcers, cabbage has loads of healing properties.

So let's get on with the recipe! Just one tip, I've found that cabbage seems to have more of a "mellow" flavor after it's frozen so if you aren't big on the taste, try shoving a head in the freezer first. [Head of cabbage, not your head...just to clarify].

"Chocolate Monster" (featuring cabbage)

2 cups cabbage
2 bananas, frozen
1 tbsp agave nectar
2 tsp vanilla extract
1 1/2 tbsp cacao
2 cups water
1 cup ice

Blend it, blend it real good.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Doing Everything, But Not Doing Anything Well.

I asked my husband last night, "Do you ever get the feeling that you do everything...” Before I could even get out the BUT that was part of that sentence, he launched into a mini tirade about how helpful he is. Whatever, dude. I never said he wasn't the most helpful husband ever, because he truly is.  However, when he doesn't let me finish my thoughts? Then he becomes the most annoying husband ever; he truly does. FINALLY, after he stopped babbling about always putting away the dishes and mopping the kitchen floor and how he has feelings too, damn it; I was able to complete the sentence I was trying to spit out in the first place.

"Do you ever feel like you do everything, but not do ANYTHING well??"

That is exactly how I feel lately. I'm a mom. I'm a mom of a special needs child.  I'm a step-mom. I'm a wife. I'm a daughter. I'm a granddaughter. I'm a sister. I'm a friend. I'm a computer programmer. I'm a runner [kind of]. I'm a reader. I'm a Weight Watchers member. I'm a cat owner. Apparently, I'm even a blog writer.

This is what I feel like...figuratively.

I do all these things, and I wear all these different hats. Yet I feel like I never do a good job at ANYTHING. The constant pull to do fifty different things at once is nearly panic-inducing some days. I'm sure a lot of people feel this way, and it can be a big problem when you are trying to get fit and healthy. When you feel like you barely have enough time to be a good mom, wife, employee, etc; how can you possibly make time to take care of yourself? The answer is simple. YOU HAVE TO. [Yes, that is me yelling.]

Whenever I start to feel down about my general incompetence in this life, I realize that working on myself makes me BETTER at the other things I do, and doesn't take away from them. If I don't eat healthy, and if I don't exercise, then what kind of example am I showing my kids? If I don't lose some of this weight, then how is my husband ever going to get sex on the kitchen counter top?

The counter waits...

Taking care of me has become a huge priority in my life, and I challenge you to make it a priority in yours. It simply affects every facet of my being, even if I don't realize it. While flying back from Vegas several years ago, I heard a flight attendant say one of the most useful phrases ever.

“In case the oxygen mask falls from the compartment above your head, put your own oxygen mask on first and then help others around you.”

How often do I ignore this bit of wisdom? Is it really helping me do anything BETTER for others when I don't take care of myself first? No way! So every time I want to skip my run to get more work done, or anytime I feel like eating crappy just to save a little time, I won't. I'll constantly remind myself that in order to do EVERYTHING better, I need to take care of myself first.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Monday's Fat Stats - Week 4

I'm having a hard time believing that I'm doing the stats for week 4! My how the time flies...

All in all, last week was much more of a success than the week before. There were actual changes in our numbers - and in the right direction! It's never enough pounds/inches - and never as fast as I would like it to happen - but I'm trying to focus on being proud for what I have accomplished. With that said, here's the details: 

Fat Girl Slim's Week 4 Numbers:
Muffin Top's Week 4 Numbers:

Hellz-to-the-ya!!! I'll admit, when I got on the scale and saw ONE measly little pound gone, I was not exactly thrilled. I'm pretty sure I snared W.T.F. under my breath. But, I am so happy that FGS had us do measurements!!! Granted, I didn't loose the SEVEN farkin' inches that she did ** cough ** bitch ** cough **, but 2.5 isn't to shabby either! 
Workout 1
Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then:
Jog 3 minutes (or 1/4 mile)
Walk 90 seconds (or 1/8 mile)
Jog 5 minutes (or 1/2 mile)
Walk 2.5 minutes (or 1/4 mile)
Jog 5 minutes (or 1/2 mile)
Walk 90 seconds (or 1/8 mile)
Jog 3 minutes (or 1/4 mile)

Workout 2
Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then:
Jog 3 minutes (or 1/4 mile)
Walk 90 seconds (or 1/8 mile)
Jog 5 minutes (or 1/2 mile)
Walk 2.5 minutes (or 1/4 mile)
Jog 5 minutes (or 1/2 mile)
Walk 90 seconds (or 1/8 mile)
Jog 3 minutes (or 1/4 mile)

Workout 3
Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then:
Jog 3 minutes (or 1/4 mile)
Walk 90 seconds (or 1/8 mile)
Jog 5 minutes (or 1/2 mile)
Walk 2.5 minutes (or 1/4 mile)
Jog 5 minutes (or 1/2 mile)
Walk 90 seconds (or 1/8 mile)
Jog 3 minutes (or 1/4 mile)

This weeks run honestly scares the ever living crap out of me. Am I the only one that thinks the jumps in time spent running are a little HUGE? I mean, last week we spent a total of 9 minutes running. This week we will be subjected to SIXTEEN minutes - which includes two FIVE minutes segments. UGH! I know it's good for me and it will get easier, but right now I'm scared out of my mind.

Thought I'd offer a little tip that I use to keep track of where I am and what I should be doing at any given point on a run. Cause you know I can't be expected to run, continue breathing and add up minutes! On the palm of my hand I write out the time intervals and what I should do during each. So this week, I'll have this scrawled on my palm:

Of course, don't forget to do (at least) 3 days of cross-training and eat consciously and healthfully! I'm going to (try) to make it four days of cross-training - and FGS and me are going to run during lunch time on Monday, Wednesday and Friday so that when the weekend rolls around we are free and clear! Plus, even if I don't enjoy it while I'm doing it, the feeling of having done a run is well worth the pain!

Who's bad?!

Friday, February 5, 2010

This Weekend I'm Not Going To Suck Ass At My Diet. I Promise.

Here I sit, patiently waiting for the start of the weekend. The freedom in the air is palpable. We're less than two hours away, and it got me thinking about what I can do to not screw up my diet this weekend. I'm desperate to lose some pounds this week. I've fought the good fight. I've exercised, I've maintained 1200 calories a day, and I've even made sure to get in the proper amount of fruits and veggies. I deserve to lose some weight this week. My damn scale better throw me a freaking bone.

However, even though I'm on the downhill side of the mountain for the work week, that's not the case with food. The weekend is by far the worst time for my eating habits. It's sad but true. Weekends involve dinners out with friends, yummy desserts and Mr. FGS making extravagant breakfast food. Also, I've been known to set sail with The Captain on Friday night and not return until Monday morning. [Oh c'mon, everybody needs a little Captain in them!]

Who doesn't love the Captain?

This weekend, however, I need to make some changes. I may only set sail on Saturday night, and hell, I may not drink at all! [*cough*yeah right*cough*] I'm limiting the eating out to one night, and one night only. Tomorrow night, in fact, we have a double date with MT and her hubby. Hi MT!!! I'll have to limit my food consumption however, and that’s a bummer. It saddens me to think I won't get a big, delicious appetizer, but it would be worse than sad to get on that scale Monday and not lose weight again.

This CANNOT happen to me on Monday!

Maybe I'll even work out twice as much this weekend. I could run both Saturday and Sunday to offset some of the calories I'll be partaking in. I could do an extra day of the Shred. Hell, I could even have twice as much sex as usual with the husband. That has to burn some calories, right?? C'mon honey, one more time! I need to work off that cheeseburger... Mr. FGS is going to like this diet for more reasons than one, and that's just fine with me.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The Big Green Hump: Week 4

Happy Hump Day peeps! We're already on week four; it's incredible. Today I have a green smoothie recipe that features collard greens. [Don't worry; you aren't the only ones who thought the way to eat collard greens is with a stick of butter and some salt and pepper]. Who would've thought to put them in a smoothie, right? These greens are an excellent source of nutrition though, as many recent studies have shown.

Before I get to the recipe, I wanted to delve a little further into WHY we are drinking these green smoothies, as opposed to just eating lots of salad. Dark, leafy greens are well known to be nutrition powerhouses; however, they have thick cell walls composed of cellulose. Our bodies don't really digest cellulose very well, so most of the greens we ingest come out the other end before we've accessed the dense nutrients. [Ew!]

Enter the green smoothie. By blending the greens, it's essentially like having someone chew your food really, REALLY well. You may call me lazy, but I like to think of myself as industrious. Breaking down those cell walls allows crazy amounts of nutrition into my body, all ready to be absorbed. I didn't even have to do the work! Having so much readily available nutrition does GREAT things for your body. People rave about side effects such as higher energy, fewer mood swings, fewer cravings, shiny hair and quick growing nails. If you haven't started making green smoothies yet, what are you waiting for??

Here's the week four smoothie, for your drinking pleasure:

"A Tropical Collarda"

1 large banana
1 cup frozen pineapple
1 cup frozen mango
2 cups collard greens
1 tbsp agave nectar
1 cup water

Blend it up and enjoy!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

What you do in February will pay off in June. Hopefully.

I hopped on the scale yesterday morning, full of hope. I had no doubt I had lost some weight this week. How could I not? I exercised SIX out of the seven days. Three days spent running, and three days spent Shredding. I had resisted cheesecake, cookies, and French fries on more than one occasion. Also, I'm completely, miserably sore.

Do you know how much weight I lost this week? NONE. Not even an ounce. I was really damn surprised until I took a good look at my food intake this morning. I sat down and did the math. Sure, I've been working out. A lot. However, I've still been consuming more calories than I should; and that needs to change. I realized that this is going to come down to one of those moments. You know, a "how bad do I want this?" moment. And I want it. Bad.

I think these guys want it a little TOO much...

It made me think this is probably a really valid time to make a list. I know that I want it, but I need to write down the reasons WHY I do. Motivation is key. I read a quote today that said, "The mind is everything. What you think, you become." My mind needs to be wrapped all around the reasons I have for losing weight. I'm not only going to write the reasons on the blog, I'm going to write them on a piece of paper. [Ok, maybe I'll type them and print them out. Diehard computer nerd here]. Before I reach for another doughnut, I'll reach for the list. It's time to get my brain on board.

This is my brain...getting with the program.

1) I want to look fuckable. (yes, I'm serious). That is my number one reason for doing this diet. I don't want stuff to jiggle when it shouldn't be jiggling. The husband needs to think, "Damn, I wanna tap that." Sure, he may think that sometimes now anyways, but it probably has more to do with his teenage-esque horny self than it has to do with me. Also, I don't want him to be the only one. *gasp* No, I don't want to have sex with others, but hell, it would sure be nice if they wanted to have sex with me! Call me vain [I warned you!], but I simply want to be more attractive. Sexy. Fit. And well, fuckable.

You probably think this song is about me...

2) I want to wear cute clothes. It's not that I can't find things that are cute now; it's just that they don't look cute on me. There are rolls and fat poking out where there shoudln't be, and that's just not acceptable. Summer is a mere four months away, and I want to wear a bikini. I want to wear shorts and not be embarrased by my flabby legs. It all comes back to vanity for me, doesn't it?

This year, I'd like to stand and button my jeans.  Is that too much to ask?

3) I want to feel better. Much to my astonishment, I've discovered that when you gain 30, 40, or even 50 pounds, you don't feel as good as you used to. Why does it hurt to run so bad? Gee... let's think. Perhaps this is because running while fat is like carrying a preschooler on your back. Nothing feels right when you are so weighed down. Maybe my shins wouldn't hurt so much if I wasn't lugging around all these extra pounds! It's ridiculous that I've let myself be this way for so long. So I'm saying goodbye to that kid on my back, one pound at a time.

See Kate here can simply DROP the 50 pounds she's lugging around.

So what are your reasons for wanting to lose weight? Write them down so they'll motivate you when you want to skip that run or eat that gallon of ice cream.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Monday's Fat Stats - Week 3

Here's the deal, if you want to be healthier and get into shape - exercise is what you need. What we learned this week - even if you exercise your ass off (not literally, unfortunately) - if you aren't paying attention to what you put in your mouth, You Are Screwed. Period.

The agony that is my sore and aching muscles can attest to the fact that I did in fact work out, and out, and out. But the number on the scale will tell you straight up that I eat like a fat cow. And do you know what happens when you eat like a fat cow? Then you are a fat cow.
My bovine twin

The numbers (or lack of) that we put up this week has been a bit of a slap-in-the-face-reality-check. Just look for yourself:

Fat Girl Slim's Week 3 Numbers:

Muffin Top's Week 3 Numbers:
 Shit. Damn. FML!!!

Granted, we didn't gain anything, but that's just not good enough.

The goal this week is to focus on our intake, be conscious and aware of what we are using to fuel our bodies. And come next week, that damn scale is going down!!!

This weeks "Couch Potato to 5K" looks really daunting - like, I think there is an actual possibility of me dying this week, daunting. But do it I will, and I will continue to chant (silently) to myself the whole time "I LOVE THIS SHIT!".

It feels good, it DOES! I LOVE THIS SHIT!

And next week, I will that much more in shape, that much more ready for the ultimate goal. Do you people realize how L ... O ... N ... G ... a half marathon is? THIRTEEN POINT 1 MILES!!! Even if you maintain a 10 minute mile for the duration, that is still 131 minutes, or two hours and eleven minutes.

My stamina and endurance have to be pushed and worked until I can do it for hours on end (that's what he said). With that in mind, I present week 3:

Workout 1
Brisk five-minute warm up walk,
then do two repetitions of the following:
Jog 90 seconds (or 200 yards)
Walk 90 seconds (or 200 yards)
Jog 3 minutes (or 400 yards)
Walk 3 minutes (or 400 yards)

Workout 2
Brisk five-minute warm up walk,
then do two repetitions of the following:
Jog 90 seconds (or 200 yards)
Walk 90 seconds (or 200 yards)
Jog 3 minutes (or 400 yards)
Walk 3 minutes (or 400 yards)

Workout 3
Brisk five-minute warm up walk,
then do two repetitions of the following:
Jog 90 seconds (or 200 yards)
Walk 90 seconds (or 200 yards)
Jog 3 minutes (or 400 yards)
Walk 3 minutes (or 400 yards)

In addition to the CP25K routine, 3 days of cross-training need to happen. I've been doing the shred (my dependable fall-back), and so has FGS. She did start mixing it up last night with a little windsor pilates, which I think I am going to try this week too.

So, positive thinking and all that crap to you - NUT UP!